I'm out

[Jae Mc Donnell]

He painted these walls red in sullen tones
He left her abated, abashed, and alone
She lay in this greyness and wallowed in shame
And trickle from darkness, to misery’s game

From years on eggshells, she knows to play well
These games, of demons, in heaven and hell
So lays, in this imprint of loving this hate
A wash, of greyness, the darkness her fate

In pools of noting, but soiled, sullen, tones
This beauty, comes rushing, from corrugated bones
And ripples and rages and reaches from doubt
Till finally she cries it, “fuck you, I’m out”

[Heartafire]

He painted these walls red in sullen tones
He left her abated, abashed, and alone
She lay in this greyness and wallowed in shame
And trickle from darkness, to misery’s game

From years on eggshells, she knows to play well
These games, of demons, in heaven and hell
So lays, in this imprint of loving this hate
A wash, of greyness, the darkness her fate

In pools of noting, but soiled, sullen, tones
This beauty, comes rushing, from corrugated bones
And ripples and rages and reaches from doubt
Till finally she cries it, “fuck you, I’m out”

I like the message in this one but feel the rhyme may be forced
at times. Perhaps a little tinkering or trying free verse on this one.
Enjoyed reading it, good potential here.
best,
Heart