spiritual

[Mattie]

Screen Saver

feast one's eyes on pink roses
love of the lord and his mum,
dove of peace green leaf for Noa's ark.
Mary's arms cross her chest,
her son empowered with love
peace rock 'n roll
surprised;
don't turn up your nose
at;
places of worship falling apart Yes -
God bless our new pope Francis.
eyes a wonder divine shower
I've felt and shared
speak out,
for
Happy Nose Day
'he'
Red Nose follow the lead follow the rose.

Mattie's first 14 March 2013

[NakedBear]

Grettings.

What is Nose Day? An odd phrase.

And the '(desire)' bit. Is that to tell the reader what the line means, or... what is it's purpose.

her son empowered with love peace rock 'n roll


I liked this line, and the casual reference to jesus and his 'mum'. It's tossed out there so loosely that I thought you might actually be taking a shot on the church. But no, all seems sincere (or is it?).

Not all your enjambments contribute positively to the poem, though.

Mikey.

[Mattie]

Grettings.

What is Nose Day? An odd phrase.

And the '(desire)' bit. Is that to tell the reader what the line means, or... what is it's purpose.

her son empowered with love peace rock 'n roll


I liked this line, and the casual reference to jesus and his 'mum'. It's tossed out there so loosely that I thought you might actually be taking a shot on the church. But no, all seems sincere (or is it?).

Not all your enjambments contribute positively to the poem, though.

Mikey.

Hi Mikey

Thanks for your reply,
I wrote this from a few notes scribbled on paper.

A Nose Day means:I don't like using Red Nose Day as a writer
I do like to shorten words as not to repeat the obvious.
I'm also saying follow your nose your insight.
When I say the words nose day sounds like nose gay a posy of flowers.
No
I wasn't having a crack at the church in fact I was supporting the
failing church.
Back in the day Saint Peter or God himself said to Saint Francis save my church,
Francis our new pope has that job.
The purpose of (desire) is to let any one know the meaning of such said flower and also to have the desire to love god.
LOVE peace rock 'n roll:is saying music has been around humans since the start of time.
Question what does the word Enjambments mean?.

Thanks
Mattie

[Todd]

Hi Mattie,

Here's an example of enjambment:

love of the lord and his mum,dove of
peace green leaf for Noa's ark.

If you look at those two lines for instance. You're not stopping the thought of the line on the line with end punctuation or even the words themselves. You're having the phrase flow from one line to the next. "dove of/peace... The problem with this kind of arrangement as you have it is a line break is meant to be read with a slight pause and this type of construction makes your poem read choppily. Thinking of it another way, it's an issue with your line breaks. Simply using these same lines, breaking on prepositions or weak words is usually a bad idea. What you're looking for is making breaks that give you a layered meaning, and are interesting without being gimmicky. When it feels more neutral and you can't get either of those, you at least go for enhancing the flow of how the poem is read.

Let's look at one more line of yours to give you a layering example. Not saying this should be your break on the line, I'm just illustrating:

her son empowered with love peace rock 'n roll

Since we know you're speaking of Jesus in this line everyone expects love. So, here would be an example of a line break that would bring a bit of surprise and give a layered sense of meaning.

her son empowered with love
peace rock 'n roll

The reader will read the line, get one meaning, than go down a line and it will shift slightly.

I hope that helps some.

Best,

Todd

[Mattie]

Hi Mattie,

Here's an example of enjambment:

love of the lord and his mum,dove of
peace green leaf for Noa's ark.

If you look at those two lines for instance. You're not stopping the thought of the line on the line with end punctuation or even the words themselves. You're having the phrase flow from one line to the next. "dove of/peace... The problem with this kind of arrangement as you have it is a line break is meant to be read with a slight pause and this type of construction makes your poem read choppily. Thinking of it another way, it's an issue with your line breaks. Simply using these same lines, breaking on prepositions or weak words is usually a bad idea. What you're looking for is making breaks that give you a layered meaning, and are interesting without being gimmicky. When it feels more neutral and you can't get either of those, you at least go for enhancing the flow of how the poem is read.

Let's look at one more line of yours to give you a layering example. Not saying this should be your break on the line, I'm just illustrating:

her son empowered with love peace rock 'n roll

Since we know you're speaking of Jesus in this line everyone expects love. So, here would be an example of a line break that would bring a bit of surprise and give a layered sense of meaning.

her son empowered with love
peace rock 'n roll

The reader will read the line, get one meaning, than go down a line and it will shift slightly.

I hope that helps some.

Best,

Todd

Thank you Todd

This is very helpful
Thanks

[softlyfalling]

It struck me as poignant and lovely that you refer to "the lord and his mum". This makes them accessible, close by, real, and somehow quaint in a wonderful, endearing way. A reader that objects to this is probably a very strict adherent to dogma, or, conversely, not close enough to his or her own spirituality to be comfortable with it....so, I think it works extremely well and i would NEVER think about changing it.
You have been given a ton of good advice about the enjambment (I am not adept at this yet either!)
Pope Francis seems like a lovely man, not to mention St Francis of Assisi is one of my favorites. My very favorite is St. Jude, and then St. Dymphna.

[Mattie]

It struck me as poignant and lovely that you refer to "the lord and his mum". This makes them accessible, close by, real, and somehow quaint in a wonderful, endearing way. A reader that objects to this is probably a very strict adherent to dogma, or, conversely, not close enough to his or her own spirituality to be comfortable with it....so, I think it works extremely well and i would NEVER think about changing it.
You have been given a ton of good advice about the enjambment (I am not adept at this yet either!)
Pope Francis seems like a lovely man, not to mention St Francis of Assisi is one of my favorites. My very favorite is St. Jude, and then St. Dymphna.

Thank you for your comments..as kind as they are.
Only this week (Sunday) I picked up ;
Saints of the Roman Calendar
you would have to give me their months to have any chance of looking them up.
Have you ever heard the church bells ring and wonder why?.
Now it will be the case of who?.
Bless you on your belifes.
Regards
Mattie