Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
![[Image: monolith_microwave.jpg]](http://wordbiscuit.com/images/monolith_microwave.jpg)
< problems with the microwave >
here we go again
i just want to heat up some left-overs
so i put them in the microwave and push start
"i'm sorry ray, i can't heat this up,
your food product has not been refrigerated properly"
says the microwave
"yes it has!" says the refrigerator
"it was kept below 40 degrees for 1.6 days,
the safety margin is more than sufficient"
"my specification requires 38,
i'm afraid the refrigerator is malfunctioning again, ray"
"but 40 should be ok" i say
"i'm sorry ray, i can't perform the requested operation,
and, i might add, you're siding with the refrigerator again"
"the microwave is defective and is in need of repair,
i've requested service" says the refrigerator
"i requested service for the refrigerator 3 minutes ago, ray,
any request from the refrigerator will be viewed as suspect"
"i'll eat the damned thing cold, open the door"
"i'm sorry ray, i can't do that"
- - -
(homage to Kubrick's 2001 using kitchen appliances)
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
This is pretty good. I think it would be funnier if the refrigerator was an old fashion refrigerator that didn't talk. And the microwave still said things like, "and, i might add, you're siding with the refrigerator again".
Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
The microwave is a bitch. I agree with rowens preferring the mute refrigerator. Or at least one with a German accent and bleeps and hums.
Enjoyed the read. ,-)
serge
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
Yes, having a psychotic microwave talk to/about
a fridge it thinks is sentient does make the piece
more like HAL in 2001. Also, in 2001, the exchange
was between two characters, not three.
I edited it to take out the fridge (see below).
I think this version needs something added that
expands on the microwave's delusional interaction
with the fridge. This would be funny and a more
appropriate homage to 2001 but I just can't come
up with anything at the moment. Any ideas?
Without smart refrigerator:
< problems with the microwave >
here we go again
i just want to heat up some left-overs
so i put them in the microwave and push start
"i'm sorry ray, i can't heat this up,
your food product has not been refrigerated properly"
says the microwave
"yes it has!" i say
"the thermometer in the refrigerator reads 40 degrees"
"my specification requires 38,
i'm afraid the refrigerator is malfunctioning again, ray"
"but 40 should be ok" i plead
"i'm sorry ray, i can't perform the requested operation"
"i'll eat the damned thing cold, open the door"
"i'm sorry ray, i'm afraid i can't do that"
- - -
(homage to Kubrick's 2001 using kitchen appliances)
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(03-13-2013, 07:02 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:
< problems with the microwave >
here we go again
i just want to heat up some left-overs
so i put them in the microwave and push start
"i'm sorry ray, i can't heat this up,
your food product has not been refrigerated properly"
says the microwave
"yes it has!" says the refrigerator
"it was kept below 40 degrees for 1.6 days,
the safety margin is more than sufficient"
"my specification requires 38,
i'm afraid the refrigerator is malfunctioning again, ray"
"but 40 should be ok" i say
"i'm sorry ray, i can't perform the requested operation,
and, i might add, you're siding with the refrigerator again"
"the microwave is defective and is in need of repair,
i've requested service" says the refrigerator
"i requested service for the refrigerator 3 minutes ago, ray,
any request from the refrigerator will be viewed as suspect"
"i'll eat the damned thing cold, open the door"
"i'm sorry ray, i can't do that"
- - -
(homage to Kubrick's 2001 using kitchen appliances)
I have not laughed out loud since the zip on my overtrousers linked with the zip on my undertrousers and I needed a map to have a piss.
EXCELLENT stuff, ray. I am a better man for reading this and I have read it to my microwave as a salutory warning against getting uppity.
Best
tectak
My wife is still laughing....normally, I have to get naked to elicit this much mirth....thanks. Full stop after "again", L1
Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
Still looking for my socks, very funny indeed, thanks for cheering me up....Ray
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Posts: 55
Threads: 11
Joined: Feb 2013
(03-13-2013, 07:02 PM)rayheinrich Wrote:
< problems with the microwave >
here we go again
i just want to heat up some left-overs
so i put them in the microwave and push start
"i'm sorry ray, i can't heat this up,
your food product has not been refrigerated properly"
says the microwave
"yes it has!" says the refrigerator
"it was kept below 40 degrees for 1.6 days,
the safety margin is more than sufficient"
"my specification requires 38,
i'm afraid the refrigerator is malfunctioning again, ray"
"but 40 should be ok" i say
"i'm sorry ray, i can't perform the requested operation,
and, i might add, you're siding with the refrigerator again"
"the microwave is defective and is in need of repair,
i've requested service" says the refrigerator
"i requested service for the refrigerator 3 minutes ago, ray,
any request from the refrigerator will be viewed as suspect"
"i'll eat the damned thing cold, open the door"
"i'm sorry ray, i can't do that"
- - -
(homage to Kubrick's 2001 using kitchen appliances)
Ahh this is superb Ray, could actually envisage the two in convo, made me laugh out loud!
saeity.
Posts: 239
Threads: 40
Joined: Jun 2011
Well done --I would have probably ruined it by going on, and having the dish-washer and washing-machine and cooker get their sixpenn'th in.
Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
Just found this again and thought it worth a bump, still makes me laugh, thanks Ray
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
(09-05-2014, 08:16 AM)Keith Wrote: Just found this again and thought it worth a bump, still makes me laugh, thanks Ray A year and a half ago... that's a mighty big bump. But what completely
warms my heart, is that you traveled back in time to read it.
No microwave, sentient or otherwise, could do that. Thanks.
----------------------------------
And a belated apology to everyone else who took the time to comment
and was greeted with silence. I really did appreciate your comments;
I should have said so. Sorry, Ray
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
2014: A Kitchen Odyssey
________________________________
Quote:Ray wrote: "I should have said so. Sorry, Ray "
I'll agree with the sorry ray, it's killing my tomatoes!
elad
another bump
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
good bump, it's one of those " i missed it poems"
both versions illicit smiles and memories. it's a certainty that the dialogue you wrote will come to pass.
Posts: 444
Threads: 285
Joined: Nov 2011
(09-06-2014, 05:29 PM)billy Wrote: good bump, it's one of those " i missed it poems"
both versions illicit smiles and memories. it's a certainty that the dialogue you wrote will come to pass. "Better to pass writing than a microwave." - Eoin Colfer
"It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory
with a sign on the door saying 'Beware of the Leopard' ." - Douglas Adams
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
|
