red

[escorial]

i cut myself to feel
release,pain,despair
out it seeps
a warm comforting let
neck,arm n leg
reminds me of it all
i don't feel anger
all i see is red

[shemthepenman]

[I must confess I felt like an old woman at the end of this, thought, 'oh don't do that.']

anyhow, it is simple and painful; I am not where it’s at on self-harm, and assume there are a million people writing similar things and relating to this on a whole different level than me.
So, apart from content, is there a reason you didn’t separate the clauses from the commas? I can’t see why. If there is a reason then cool, if not maybe consider revising.

[escorial]

brevity is not somethink that works on here maybie..but every poem subject has been covered befor and to me other people writtings is personnel to them regardless of the subject matter..

[shemthepenman]

oh for sure, I didn't mean really to imply that the subject matter was some trivial thing at all. Just that it seems a particular realm that I am unfamiliar with. But brevity is good [I like it, regardless of my recent rambling posts], but commas are commas and are usually followed by a space. I suppose it doesn't really matter on the whole, but it kinda looks like a mistake is all

[escorial]

is there a place for works that don't use all the rules of writting,grammar.ect..can a piece be defined by it's content

[shemthepenman]

that is an interesting question: 'can a piece be defined by its content'? Maybe post it on the discussion forum. My initial reaction is, yes and no. It can be defined by its content, but if that content isn’t formed in poetry then what is it? – I read the cover of a Boy George cd once, and he said, ‘I finally realised that substance and style are the same thing’ I am not sure I agree entirely, but there is something in it. You have made me think.

[escorial]

punk poetry...perhaps....after reading clockwork orange many a year ago i felt there is a place for taking english and refining it to i speak england to.

[saeity]

Hi Escorial am loving your opening line-i cut myself to feel, well i rather enjoyed the rawness of this, reality is indeed my thang and you certainly prove 'ow sucksinked' you can be
I do believe the letting of blood in the 'good ol days' wasn't so frowned upon though I am certainly not advocating anything here. Would like to see the loss of ''i don't feel anger', as I personally feel then you allow the R to also enter the piece.
regards saeity.

[shemthepenman]

A Clockwork Orange is one of my favourite books; and yes, there is a place for everything. But knowing that it has been done before hundreds of years ago is important too. Burgess didn’t write a clockwork orange not paying attention to rules of language or grammar, nor did Joyce or Thomas or Sterne [1759 no less] , they used them, manipulated them, understood them and, most importantly, could account for each fracture, each comma without a space. A broken rule must be justified. I remember at school, my teacher told me never to begin a sentence with ‘and’… I promptly wrote a poem beginning ‘and…’
But, I am unsure as to exactly why the space following the comma. It does seem a little trivial, and fuck me if I haven’t come round to the idea I heard an interview once with Wes Craven, he said the first thing the audience should be scared of is the director. I suppose that works with poetry too, and our ideas about ‘should’.

[escorial]

and i agree

[shemthepenman]

cool. so I am off to bed now. ta ta.

[escorial]

goodnight

[tectak]

brevity is not somethink that works on here maybie..but every poem subject has been covered befor and to me other people writtings is personnel to them regardless of the subject matter..

Hi escorial.
I am not convinced yet of your true identity. Your poetry reminds me of Les Dawson playing piano badly...to play it thus one needs to be able to play it well: and he could.
Judgement and crit are reserved temporarily whilst I decide whether you are an inverse charlatan. To conceptualise as fluently as in your comment above would indicate a degree of understanding of the read word way out of proportion to your almost computerised failure to write fluently. It don't gel so it ain't aspic
We shall see. Are you Clive Anderson or Julie Birchil?
but not
Best, really,
tectak

[escorial]

should a poem flow as a song or sonnet..can it just be used to stand as it is without fluency.

[tectak]

should a poem flow as a song or sonnet..can it just be used to stand as it is without fluency.

Go to Discussion forum.

[newsclippings]

maybe lack of grammar is the new basis for poetry and escorial is the new pollock of poets.

[billy]

is there a place for works that don't use all the rules of writting,grammar.ect..can a piece be defined by it's content

yes,alloverthesite.
thing is, this is in serious critique. the lack of space after a comma brings this reader and another reader up short. it stops us from concentrating on the content. a piece is usually defined by it's content, part of that is how it's displayed. feel free to use whatever gramma you choose but defending it is sort of defending the indefensible. we see, we comment on it.

many poems here don't use grammar or uses it in odd ways. if someone doesn't think it adds to the poem they say as much.

i think it takes something away from your content. considering the brevity of the piece i'd say it's a large percent that being removed

as too the content minus grammar; it has a feel to it that borders near the edge of emo poetry. sorry emo's.... the one good line in it is warm comforting let. i like it because it works on more that one level.
the first line is the poem and because of that the rest doesnt matter. others will see it differently i'm sure.
thanks for the read.