A Full Day Sonnet

[Seth31]

The day awakens to a beaming sun
As darkness fades and life begins to rise
A state of peace will spawn; dawn has begun
The stillness creates a thought where hope ever lies

Then day becomes the dusk; soon light will fade
The sky matures to red, which signals the end
A mind wonders why it didn't wade
It wishes to look for more, but can't reprehend

When dusk transforms to night, the world will sleep
At last, myriad souls have reached the end of their day
The twilight shall immerse them in their keep
However, their desire decides if they stay

The day is long, and soon it will be gone
Yet, the journey never ends; night closes with dawn

[billy]

hi seth, great effort.
the meter has to many feet in place look out for word repetition. dawn is an example. the content is pretty good, so is the rhyme scheme, gone/dawn i think just made it, though you could always take a look anyway. i put some suggestion down though the choice to edit is always yours. i know from experience that the meter can be a tricky thing to get spot on. once you sort the meter out the poem will become much stronger. after that it would just be an odd tweak here and there

thanks for the read.

The day awakens to a beaming sun
As darkness fades and life begins to rise
A state of peace will spawn; dawn has begun
The stillness creates a thought where hope ever lies the still creates thought where hope ever lies

Then day becomes the dusk; soon light will fade
The sky matures to red, which signals the end
A mind wonders why it didn't wade a mind will wonder why it didn't wade.
It wishes to look for more, but can't reprehendit looks for more but cannot reprehend

When dusk transforms to night, the world will sleep
At last, myriad souls have reached the end of their day
The twilight shall immerse them in their keep
However, their desire decides if they stay

The day is long, and soon it will be gone
Yet, the journey never ends; night closes with dawn

[Seth31]

Hey Billy thank you for the reply. I had a feeling that the meter would be off in a few places. Just two weeks ago, I decided to try to take up poetry for the first time. I hadn't written or even a poem since maybe seventh grade in middle school haha. This is the second poem I've written since, my first being in free verse. I wanted to see the different kinds though, so I looked up some different kinds and came across the sonnet. I have never even heard of meter before I started writing this poem and trying to teach myself it; I thought I might have some difficulties. Nonetheless, I appreciate you finding the errors!