A haiku

[billy]

1st edit


An alligator
basks in summer mud-
my wife swims!

original

an alligator
basking in the summer mud
my wife has a swim

[cidermaid]

This was kind of neat...it caused my mind to wander from, Do you not like your wife?...who's idea was the swim?...that's a daft thing to do...hang on a mo, no where does it say she had her swim in the same water where the aligator swims, if it was hot enought to bask then it was just right for a swim.

Liked this one - plenty to get the mind going. AJ.

[billy]

thanks for liking it AJ

[robby]

Whoa!! I like it!! Your wife and the alligator have exchanged places...

[billy]

i suppose i could, some purest see a title as an extra line that has to be read, but i'll think about it cos i'm no purist
thanks for the feedback.

---

Whoa!! I like it!! Your wife and the alligator have exchanged places...

well spotted and if not she soon will be,

thanks for liking it

[softlyfalling]

giggle....you are SO bad!
this is so funny, it makes me wonder what it would be like to share a table at some neighborhood pub and listen to you say stuff....giggle

[rayheinrich]

Nice. Love alligators; love implying a connection between
alligators and wives.


P.S.
"Never apologize and never explain--it's a sign of weakness."
- Laurence Stallings

I feel the same way about titling a haiku.
And yes, it's a forth line, so it pretty much screws things up.
(Which, as always, might be a good reason to do it anyway.)

I've seen these things done on boards where post formats
require titles:
1. Use the name of the season to which the haiku refers.
(spring, summer, autumn, winter, new year)
2. Use the actual seasonal word/phrase from the haiku.
(mud, sweat, pumpkin, house fire, loosing weight)
3. Use the first line of the haiku.

[lolo]

an alligator
basking in the summer mud
my wife has a swim

thankfully she has tamed it
with a ring.

[billy]

or it has tamed her

[PeaceGirl Wilkins]

lol! You have done too many poems joking on your wife and I am trying to not laugh but, you are just too funny. smh! Great use of a haiku though. The last line was really a punch with good imagery at the beginning.

[Truerenigma]

I like it this way:

An alligator
basks in the summer mud-
my wife has a swim!

[billy]

yeah, that would work

now i see how you cut it down, i could even write it as

An alligator
basks in summer mud-
my wife swims!

[justcloudy]

along with peacegirl I'm noticing all the jabs to your wife-- she seems to have a good sense of humor! ;D
loved this. villain yet nonchalant.

[Truerenigma]

I like the revision. I think this one is ready for the world to read it.

[billy]

along with peacegirl I'm noticing all the jabs to your wife-- she seems to have a good sense of humor! ;D
loved this. villain yet nonchalant.

it's not about my wife, it's my fictional wife and yeah she does