Once, He'd Blown The Wind of Eros Through Her

[ALEX]

Warning: Some people may find this poem offensive, which is not my problem, but theirs. So, if you're offended by sexually explicit language - DON'T READ


Once, he'd blown
the wind of Eros
through her,
tempting her soul to sinful art,
loosening her lassoed belly,
pumping adrenaline through
her neglected heart.

And as he watched
her mind's eye spark
and sharpen for the hunt,
he scoffed at her
prim and proper,
and spreading her legs,
brought moisture
to her cunt.

But the ancient gods
conspired to grieve
her mortal skin,
and with threads of dark
veined mediocrity,
knitted her prejudices in.

And now she's just another
house trained little wedding wife
with nothing left
to lose or win,
full of prayers and uptight
wishful thinking,
ashamed of her desire
and too afraid to sin.

[tectak]

Warning: Some people who read this poem may find it offensive, which is not my problem, but theirs. So if you're offended by sexually explicit language - DON'T READ IT....


Once, he'd blown
the wind of Eros
through her,
tempting her soul to sinful art,
loosening her lassoed belly,
pumping adrenaline through
her neglected heart.

And as he watched
her mind's eye spark
and sharpen for the hunt,
he scoffed at her
prim and proper,
and spreading her legs,
brought moisture
to her cunt.

But the ancient gods
conspired to grieve
her mortal skin,
and with threads of dark
veined mediocrity,
knitted her prejudices in.

And now she's just another
house trained little wedding wife
with nothing left
to lose or win,
full of prayers and uptight
wishful thinking,
ashamed of her desire
and too afraid to sin.

Hi,
You have some great phraseology in this piece but it seems a lot of effort just to find a reason to write "cunt". It makes you seem like a juvenile graffiti scrawler in a public lavatory....but that is a small point.
I am ignorant of the borborygmic evacuations of Eros and wonder if you misheard a quote in the same public toilet referring to the Wings of Eros. This can happen when a hand drier is operated.
I like, very much, stanza 3. You have used powerful language to great effect.
Overall, this piece suffers most of all from form. Someone, somewhere, has started a trend towards writing poetry on a strip of linguine...making lines shorter than necessary has the only arguably useful effect of lengthening the piece....but it doesn't fool me. If you really want to write a long poem, write it in chinese...otherwise give respect to your own excellent words and let them spread out and flourish.
I enjoyed this.
Best,
tectak

[ALEX]

Warning: Some people who read this poem may find it offensive, which is not my problem, but theirs. So if you're offended by sexually explicit language - DON'T READ IT....


Once, he'd blown
the wind of Eros
through her,
tempting her soul to sinful art,
loosening her lassoed belly,
pumping adrenaline through
her neglected heart.

And as he watched
her mind's eye spark
and sharpen for the hunt,
he scoffed at her
prim and proper,
and spreading her legs,
brought moisture
to her cunt.

But the ancient gods
conspired to grieve
her mortal skin,
and with threads of dark
veined mediocrity,
knitted her prejudices in.

And now she's just another
house trained little wedding wife
with nothing left
to lose or win,
full of prayers and uptight
wishful thinking,
ashamed of her desire
and too afraid to sin.

Hi,
You have some great phraseology in this piece but it seems a lot of effort just to find a reason to write "cunt". It makes you seem like a juvenile graffiti scrawler in a public lavatory....but that is a small point.
I am ignorant of the borborygmic evacuations of Eros and wonder if you misheard a quote in the same public toilet referring to the Wings of Eros. This can happen when a hand drier is operated.
I like, very much, stanza 3. You have used powerful language to great effect.
Overall, this piece suffers most of all from form. Someone, somewhere, has started a trend towards writing poetry on a strip of linguine...making lines shorter than necessary has the only arguably useful effect of lengthening the piece....but it doesn't fool me. If you really want to write a long poem, write it in chinese...otherwise give respect to your own excellent words and let them spread out and flourish.
I enjoyed this.
Best,
tectak

Thanks for that tectac, you make some good points, although your references to my use of the word 'cunt' did not resonate with my motives. I take your point about the lines, but again, it wasn't my intention to make it a long poem...it just popped out that way...It's nice to be here.
All the best,
Alex