Hair, Hair, Hair

[ellz483]

Just let me shave my head!
I’m a girl, so what?
I don’t need hair to prove it,
To prove Double-Xs in the helix of DNA
If I want to be bald,
Can’t I make it so?
Without all these men,
And these well-behaved women
Crying out at my fresh scalp,
With tears falling in sheaves
As my pigtails roll like cookie dough
Down my milky back.

This isn’t about being different
I don’t need daddy’s attention
More so, I can’t stand that
When I wake up in the morning,
I have these Blondie locks
Stuck to the sweat at neck nape
That formed as I tossed and turned
In glorious nightmares of Rapunzel
Fairytales.

My friends, silly critics of frill and fluff,
They ask me--- What about the dances?
You’ll have nothing to curl, nothing to spray,
To fuss about!
That, I plead for the umpteenth time, is the point.
I brag how much time I’ll have
Without the drag of hair
I don’t need to wear pink ribbons
Or run my fingers through satin ringlets.
They counter my baldness babble-
“You won’t get a date; boys like girls with…”
I refuse to be persuaded.

Hair! Hair! Hair!
They worry about my femininity,
About my self-confidence, oh so vain.
And, I--- I just let the clippers buzz
Buzzzziiinnng across the airwaves
Above my temple, the blade nicks
The sweet spot where I put my extra
Pencil during tests.

A thin sting of red runs ‘round my ear
In the reflection, my head gleams
Brighter than a glassy bulb.
And the blood pulses
Uninterrupted by follicle forests
And this makes me happy.
The razor coos---
What a pretty girl!

[billy]

i enjoyed the read a lot ellz, it builds up nicely to a great finish. i think a bit of formatting would enhance the thing and give it a little more presence on the page. i mentioned a few things but it's really nothing major, well maybe the title change is i think this is the best of your poems i've read so far, it was worth the read
sorry if i went a little over with the feedback, i just realized it's in mild

Just let me shave my head! i think this removed from the body of the poem would make a great title.
I’m a girl, so what?
I don’t need hair to prove it, is hair needed?
To prove Double-Xs in the helix of DNA
If I want to be bald,
Can’t I make it so?
Without all these men,
And these well-behaved women
Crying out at my fresh scalp,
With tears falling in sheaves
As my pigtails roll like cookie dough
Down my milky back.

This isn’t about being different
I don’t need daddy’s attention
More so, I can’t stand that
When I wake up in the morning,
I have these Blondie locks
Stuck to the sweat at neck nape
That formed as I tossed and turned
In glorious nightmares of Rapunzel
Fairytales. neck nape? i know what it it means but i did stumble a little with it, the rest of the stanza works well. i like the repunzel reference

My friends, silly critics of frill and fluff,
They ask me--- What about the dances? would 'what about the dance' be better in quotes as a stand alone line seperated by lines of white space?
You’ll have nothing to curl, nothing to spray,
To fuss about!
That, I plead for the umpteenth time, is the point.
I brag how much time I’ll have
Without the drag of hair
I don’t need to wear pink ribbons
Or run my fingers through satin ringlets.
They counter my baldness babble-
“You won’t get a date; boys like girls with…”
I refuse to be persuaded.

Hair! Hair! Hair! maybe a line space underneath this line to make it shout.
They worry about my femininity,
About my self-confidence, oh so vain.
And, I--- I just let the clippers buzz
Buzzzziiinnng across the airwaves nice use of buzzzz
Above my temple, the blade nicks
The sweet spot where I put my extra
Pencil during tests.

A thin sting of red runs ‘round my ear
In the reflection, my head gleams
Brighter than a glassy bulb.
And the blood pulses no need for and
Uninterrupted by follicle forests
And this makes me happy.
The razor coos--- lovely line lovely two end linesWhat a pretty girl!

[justcloudy]

hi Ellz, really liked reading this, thanks for sharing! great imagery, and an interesting high-school perspective.

I thought the first half of the first stanza was really strong, but when it got to well-behaved women it lost some umph, especially because I can't quite imagine how hair is like cookie dough when rolling down someone's back (though I see what you did with milky, clever, and it makes the subject sound naked and more vulnerable).

the only other suggestion I have is this-- maybe have the haircut at the beginning and the reactions etc afterwards. I think it would be stronger, especially if we understand the subject is a girl only after the shave.