Reality consumes our consciousness
With the overwhelming sense of knowledge
Yet few of us are aware
For our existence in the universe is indifferent
Celestial objects stir
While here a chef's spoon stirs
Utterly unaware of the chaos
Occurring throughout the universe
While we go about our daily lives
With the belief we are the center of it all
It's not that bad. It sounds all right, and it states things pretty simply. But it doesn't work on me, because I'm just some loser sitting here at the computer, morbidly aware of the forces stirring beyond oblivion.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
(02-28-2013, 07:21 AM)Essuie Wrote: Reality consumes our consciousness
With the overwhelming sense of knowledge
Yet few of us are aware
For our existence in the universe is indifferent
Celestial objects stir
While here a chef's spoon stirs
Utterly unaware of the chaos
Occurring throughout the universe
While we go about our daily lives
With the belief we are the center of it all
While I like short poems, I don't really think yours does anything. I like to think we've all been taken aback (at least at one point in our life) by the sheer magnitude of the universe and all its twinkling celestial objects; however, your poem doesn't really take me anywhere I haven't already been in my mind.
Work into this piece. Give it some life. I think you're touching it with the chef's spoon.
and don't be overwhelmed by knowledge. soon we'll get little chippies to stick into our heads that'll store it all for us.
I'll be there in a minute.
Posts: 204
Threads: 57
Joined: Jan 2013
I didn't mention a night sky m'dear. I read the comments before mine; and I'm perfectly aware of what your poem means. Though if you'd like to think I'm the center of the universe, then I have no qualms with it. ;]
I'll be there in a minute.
