I wish.

[Graemsay]

OK, So this is my second poem that I've written so, Constructive criticism would be much appreciated

I Wish

I sit here and wish.
I wish I could relive that night.
The night that we left all regrets behind
And lived.

[Leanne]

Hi there -- I take it by "relive that night" you mean that you'd do the same again, since from the next two lines it sounds like quite a good experience. Sometimes we say we'd like to relive something because we'd make changes so the outcome was different, but leaving regrets behind and living seems like something worth re-experiencing.

I wish there was more detail in this poem. The hints are tantalising but not quite enough to let me build my own ideas. I think it's partly because the first line doesn't really say anything -- in a tiny little poem, you need every word to be important. I do like the tie between relive and lived, though maybe it would be strengthened by "I wish I could live that night again" or something?

I just feel that it's lacking an adjective of some sort, or a little bit of imagery to bring it to life.

[Michelle311]

Hi Graemsay,

I am fairly new to poetry, so I'm sorry I won't have a very detailed criticism. I did enjoy your poem. I agree with Leann that it leaves me wanting more. Maybe use this as a starting point and continue with another stanza. Otherwise, I found the simpleness to be sweet but also sort of desperate.

Thanks

[hobbit86]

Short, sweet little poem...it's nice and simple. But being a short poem you want it to have such an impact that you're not waiting for another stanza to give that "WOW"...so you need to create that within those 4 lines...I do really like this poem...it is so sweet, and so warming...but it does just need that little extra kick to it.