Cliffs

[jmmc137]

Skydivers would enjoy the fall but I'm not one of them,
They get all the rush and just glide down to safety,
I can't. I have no parachute. No wings. No nothing. Leafless,
At times I can be a fool and just jump based on the distance from the ground,
Thinking that far distances are worth the inevitable hurt at ground level,
Jump.
The breeze that caresses my skin, the wind's harmonic howl,
and my lightening-stricken heart motivate me
as I scale the crimson mountain face,
Blood trails behind me.
I stare down the familiar cliff with fantasies of an infinite drop,
Stop.
Fade away into the thin air.
There, conscience awaits.

[Keith]

An enjoyable free climb, leafless interested me as it didnt seem to fit but a falling leaf is slow, so it works, also enjoyed the harmonic howl, I assumed the blood trail was the sun fading, very much enjoyed thanks TOMH

[newsclippings]

This would be beautiful as a spoken word piece.

[jmmc137]

An enjoyable free climb, leafless interested me as it didnt seem to fit but a falling leaf is slow, so it works, also enjoyed the harmonic howl, I assumed the blood trail was the sun fading, very much enjoyed thanks TOMH

Think of "leafless" in Adam and Eve terms;naked.

This would be beautiful as a spoken word piece.

Yes I do see it more as a spoken word piece. And thanks for the complement.

[brandontoh]

Skydivers would enjoy the fall but I'm not one of them, -- Intriguing first line. It pulls the readers right in. As long as you're not talking about falling in love, it'll be fine. =)
They get all the rush and just glide down to safety,
I can't. I have no parachute. No wings. No nothing. Leafless, -- The leafless at the end doesn't really fit into the whole image in my opinion. Also, the line I feel can be easily reworded to give it more impact. You're going for a contrast with the previous line, so something like 'Not me. I get the high, and splat. no parachute, nothing.' for example. Just a suggestion though. =)
At times I can be a fool and just jump based on the distance from the ground,
Thinking that far distances are worth the inevitable hurt at ground level, -- This line doesn't sit well with me. Try giving it a more personal touch, so it blends into the whole poem better. As it stands currently, it sounds like exposition. Necessary exposition, but it needs to be masked in my opinion.
Jump.
The breeze that caresses my skin, the wind's harmonic howl,
and my lightening-stricken heart motivate me
as I scale the crimson mountain face,
Blood trails behind me.
I stare down the familiar cliff with fantasies of an infinite drop,
Stop.
Fade away into the thin air.
There, conscience awaits. -- Really amazing imagery for the rest of the poem. Good word choices, and it completes the poem. My last complaint would be to divide it into different stanzas. It's not really needed, but I feel it'll give the poem more impact that way, with a better structure. Thanks for the read, and hope I'm of help! =)

[jmmc137]

Thanks for the constructive criticism. This is my first poem I've written and I think I know what I can do better in the next ones.

[justcloudy]

I like the poem, lots of interesting ideas. it does seem a little choppy though, stanzas and developing or deleting ideas could help.
also, I think you could develop leafless, from the comments there seems to be a double meaning in it, both of which are cool images.

but can you explain the last line? I don't really see what you mean.

[jmmc137]

I like the poem, lots of interesting ideas. it does seem a little choppy though, stanzas and developing or deleting ideas could help.
also, I think you could develop leafless, from the comments there seems to be a double meaning in it, both of which are cool images.

but can you explain the last line? I don't really see what you mean.

Conscience is an inner feeling or voice viewed as acting as a guide to the rightness or wrongness of one's behavior; something the subject in the poem didn't have before.