02-17-2013, 02:44 PM
this was written while i was in a relationship and also struggling with my intravenous opiate addiction. she gave me the hard word and said
its either me or the drugs. i chose her, but it was hard and ended badly. anyway. this was a txt file called '6 September STOP OXY ETC'
written 2011, mainly as a way to express stuff to my partner...
now the day has been and gone
havent finished what you started
so shall the grave work go on
dig up your buried plans you had just almost departed; again
stop while youre ahead
be greatful you are blessed and remember why youre not dead
never forget.
a can of worms, youre opening up to all your fears
the sound of wind, youre frightened, feel the change in the air
seize the now, in these beautiful moments were we merge together, its always moving
within me and not without you, youre still here
a part of me in you, see your reflection in my eyes
crush my soul with this chance to hold you in my arms
i am winded in the gut, blown away, falling endlessly in darkness,
helplessly surrendering on my knees, save me
do not miss your chance to live again
yet youre still holding on to the white lillies when you're not dead
if youve seen the setting sun then youre not the only one at the end of the day
a new begining surpased the same old something that will never end
whats behind richards face is a richard that will never mend
my dearest message for you my dearest
in a bottle of blood sweat and tears
i did it all for you
i am yours
drink my wine
here is my heart served on a plate
rape my mind
suffer for your art or your art will suffer
suffer for your heart or your heart will suffer
see my reflection in your eyes
a part of me in you
see me naked, im dying
scared to death, all my love for you
...flatline punchline...
so i killed the joke
took it dead serious
everything i am is for you
the absurdity of my naked soul as it is freezing
in a hell that has frozen over while i would be waiting eternally for you
if only all along the long way just to say what i cant even communicate
how much id love to tell you just exactly what i cant explain
the love the pain these feelings all insane
i pray with everything i have that i make it through for you
i pray this doesnt slip through my hands
ill hold you tight but ill let you breath
everything i am, been, waiting to become, all for you
there is nothing else
how much do you mean to me
this isnt poetry, but it was written the same night. not by me though. probably the cup of tea for voyuers. just thought it would make interesting to read between the lines.
Dear Marcus,
I DO infact love you. A fuck load, and it just fucking sucks when you always say "you should just break up with me".
Think, yeah I know that youn get depressed sometimes but you saying that shit puts me into a dark hole as well. In some weird fucked up way it's like you want me to just break up with you so you can.. as you called it previously "get on with it". I do not want that at all, as I've said a many a time. Now I'm crying as a result. Which I hate doing. I really do love you and would love to be with you for a long time, but I need you to do one thing, sort your depression out as it's bringing me down as well now, I feel like filth and it fucking sucks. I just want "us" to grow further in our relationship. But cannot do it with all this bullshit about me wanting to dump you and find reasons for dumping you. I love you deeply and truly. But sometimes just can't even handle this. Now your resorting to drugs to make you feel better, which personally I think these things that are supposidly making you feel better are actually a big factor behind this paranoid depression. I AM NOT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING EX 'S. Seems to me that expecting me to do whatever they may have done to you, in the past. It sucks I've had all that done to me before and I know how much it can fuck you up. But you thinking that I'm going to do those things can fuck someone up just as much. I don't actually know if this makes any sence, but hope it gives you some insight to what's going on in my brain at present... Without me getting angry as fuck and yelling it at you. But yes Marcus I do infact love you and have no intention of leaving you.. Or finding some bullshit way to leave you.. I just hope that in time you might actually believe me. That would be the best thing that will ever happen to our relationship.
Love You Marcus.
-Mary.
its either me or the drugs. i chose her, but it was hard and ended badly. anyway. this was a txt file called '6 September STOP OXY ETC'
written 2011, mainly as a way to express stuff to my partner...
now the day has been and gone
havent finished what you started
so shall the grave work go on
dig up your buried plans you had just almost departed; again
stop while youre ahead
be greatful you are blessed and remember why youre not dead
never forget.
a can of worms, youre opening up to all your fears
the sound of wind, youre frightened, feel the change in the air
seize the now, in these beautiful moments were we merge together, its always moving
within me and not without you, youre still here
a part of me in you, see your reflection in my eyes
crush my soul with this chance to hold you in my arms
i am winded in the gut, blown away, falling endlessly in darkness,
helplessly surrendering on my knees, save me
do not miss your chance to live again
yet youre still holding on to the white lillies when you're not dead
if youve seen the setting sun then youre not the only one at the end of the day
a new begining surpased the same old something that will never end
whats behind richards face is a richard that will never mend
my dearest message for you my dearest
in a bottle of blood sweat and tears
i did it all for you
i am yours
drink my wine
here is my heart served on a plate
rape my mind
suffer for your art or your art will suffer
suffer for your heart or your heart will suffer
see my reflection in your eyes
a part of me in you
see me naked, im dying
scared to death, all my love for you
...flatline punchline...
so i killed the joke
took it dead serious
everything i am is for you
the absurdity of my naked soul as it is freezing
in a hell that has frozen over while i would be waiting eternally for you
if only all along the long way just to say what i cant even communicate
how much id love to tell you just exactly what i cant explain
the love the pain these feelings all insane
i pray with everything i have that i make it through for you
i pray this doesnt slip through my hands
ill hold you tight but ill let you breath
everything i am, been, waiting to become, all for you
there is nothing else
how much do you mean to me
this isnt poetry, but it was written the same night. not by me though. probably the cup of tea for voyuers. just thought it would make interesting to read between the lines.
Dear Marcus,
I DO infact love you. A fuck load, and it just fucking sucks when you always say "you should just break up with me".
Think, yeah I know that youn get depressed sometimes but you saying that shit puts me into a dark hole as well. In some weird fucked up way it's like you want me to just break up with you so you can.. as you called it previously "get on with it". I do not want that at all, as I've said a many a time. Now I'm crying as a result. Which I hate doing. I really do love you and would love to be with you for a long time, but I need you to do one thing, sort your depression out as it's bringing me down as well now, I feel like filth and it fucking sucks. I just want "us" to grow further in our relationship. But cannot do it with all this bullshit about me wanting to dump you and find reasons for dumping you. I love you deeply and truly. But sometimes just can't even handle this. Now your resorting to drugs to make you feel better, which personally I think these things that are supposidly making you feel better are actually a big factor behind this paranoid depression. I AM NOT ANY OF YOUR FUCKING EX 'S. Seems to me that expecting me to do whatever they may have done to you, in the past. It sucks I've had all that done to me before and I know how much it can fuck you up. But you thinking that I'm going to do those things can fuck someone up just as much. I don't actually know if this makes any sence, but hope it gives you some insight to what's going on in my brain at present... Without me getting angry as fuck and yelling it at you. But yes Marcus I do infact love you and have no intention of leaving you.. Or finding some bullshit way to leave you.. I just hope that in time you might actually believe me. That would be the best thing that will ever happen to our relationship.
Love You Marcus.
-Mary.
