Valentine's Day Poem

[StoicMind]

Well I don't really write poetry, but I want to for my Valentine. I actually write raps (conscious ones, usually spiritually related, based my perception of things and philosophy), but although they are extremely similar they are also very different as far as how you want you piece to be perceived and how you go about doing that. Bottom line I don't think I'm not good at expressing feelings, but I digress; let me know how I'm doing so far:

My body craves your essence
your touch at my fingertips
I'd fain accept your presence
and hope you bring me into it

Your image consumes my thought
and reoccurs in my dreams
strings on my heart pulled taut
leads to you it seems

unsure about our future
but here our present lies
I'll cherish her, my seducer
before she fades with the iridescent skies

[oligoclonal]

Not terrible at all for a non-poet. :-)


My body craves your essence
your touch at my fingertips <--- nice image that evokes hand-holding... that's what hands to fingertips means, yes?
I'd fain accept your presence
and hope you bring me into it

Your image consumes my thought <----- Is there a better word than "thought?"
and reoccurs in my dreams <-------- "recur"
strings on my heart pulled taut
leads to you it seems

unsure about our future
but here our present lies
I'll cherish her, my seducer <---- "seductress?"
before she fades with the iridescent skies

[billy]

let's remember this is a novice forum, no line by line feedback, just a general kind.

(though your feedback is good to see)

[StoicMind]

Nevertheless, Thank you for your feedback.