Memories

[hobbit86]

That sound you hear
Whispering by in the night,
Are all the fond memories
I once held so tight.

I've released them all,
Fluttering into the starless sky
To be forgotten forever more
My hopes and dreams away they fly.

Perhaps one day they will return
To come floating back without causing pain.
But for now those memories are no more,
So I can deal with this shame.

My memories are dulled
By a foul haze,
And until that clears
They cannot stay.

So gentle night,
Look after my stars.
Let them shine a bright
My hope and dreams have gone so very far.

Invisible Shadows 2011


hmmm...there's something about this poem I've just got very wrong...the rhythm in stanza 2 goes all off...

[brandontoh]

I actually really like this poem! The image of someone looking at the night sky with nothing but a sigh to the rescue just pulls me in. I actually feel that the rhythm is alright and the poem flows quite well. Sure, it can be tightened some more, but this is novice critique, so I'll restrict myself. Thanks for the read! =)

[hobbit86]

glad you liked it...I think most people have the problem of holding onto dreams and memories too tightly and just need to release them for a while...?

It was written si that I could just let go of some memories and dreams for a while, but having them as stars meant that they weren't truly gone...just out of reach for a little while, till ready for them again.

No need to restrict yourself Brandon, if you ever have a thought/idea/opinion, I am not one for making people hide them. I put in novice because it's a poem I know still needs a lot of work and isn't really up to scratch. Just need to sit down and change some stuff...just isn't always easy...lol