Eye Kin See Heroes Despite The Doom

[troyatkins]

Eye see life in meta(phor)s of (shadow)y differences
Within different planes and {with[in}different] existences
Where we’re ALL hell’d accOuNtablE no matter who testifies
No matter the witnesses, no matter the compromise
No matter the businesses, no matter the justice or injustice
Eye KIN see superheroes in a hall of just us
Despite the sentences and despite the judges
Judge us spiritually enslaved to a system literally giving us the busyness
Despite the hey low overhead, the profits martyr your integrity
Crowning heroes with thorns in hot pursuit of a dollar tree
Conditioned by the soul’d to believe in what’s been Red and what we Sea penned
Sleepin’ we mosey along with a thin command of mint esteemed to darken our spirits without end
Apart from the fare, rose a kiss from the grave that erodes the dead scrolls
ConSealing da vorce behind an underground army being bred for tolls and not for whom the bell tolls
Nah Sir Jones, . . . it was written in public secrecy to make you an enemy
And through this angry bird’s eye we can see its squared away in masonry
Only to reap/pear amid\ hermetic Thot’s and memory
With emphasis on damages we tend to only see a tomb
Like Hardened raiders in a temple, lost and made simple, and kneeling before this legion of doom

[rowens]

This almost works. And it almost doesn't. I'm trying to pretend it has a secret code. But I can't think with a computer in front of me, stealing my thoughts.

The first two lines make sense. But if there's no secret code, the rest doesn't say as much. If I had my old "Colleague", K, or Solomon Grundy here to help me.

I like it on some levels. There is no secret, just different levels.

[troyatkins]

I greatly appreciate the feedback, this piece filled with riddles, and to be quite honest that's the way I write, I'm sorry if the metaphors and allusions didn't work for you, but this is my very first post on this site, and I'm still checking percentage of gray matter being used.

[Wjames]

Eye see life in meta(phor)s of (shadow)y differences
Within different planes and {with[in}different] existences
Where we’re ALL hell’d accOuNtablE no matter who testifies
No matter the witnesses, no matter the compromise
No matter the businesses, no matter the justice or injustice
Eye KIN see superheroes in a hall of just us
Despite the sentences and despite the judges
Judge us spiritually enslaved to a system literally giving us the busyness
Despite the hey low overhead, the profits martyr your integrity
Crowning heroes with thorns in hot pursuit of a dollar tree
Conditioned by the soul’d to believe in what’s been Red and what we Sea penned
Sleepin’ we mosey along with a thin command of mint esteemed to darken our spirits without end
Apart from the fare, rose a kiss from the grave that erodes the dead scrolls
ConSealing da vorce behind an underground army being bred for tolls and not for whom the bell tolls
Nah Sir Jones, . . . it was written in public secrecy to make you an enemy
And through this angry bird’s eye we can see its squared away in masonry
Only to reap/pear amid\ hermetic Thot’s and memory
With emphasis on damages we tend to only see a tomb
Like Hardened raiders in a temple, lost and made simple, and kneeling before this legion of doom

A really interesting poem. A lot of what you were trying to do probably flew over my head, but I really liked some of your lines.

Especially the ones like:

"Eye KIN see superheroes in a hall of just us"

I like the way this sort of sounds like both, "in all of us", and "in a hall of justice"

"Despite the hey low overhead"

Another great line.


I also like the capitalization of ALL & ONE in the third-line.

[troyatkins]

> (02-14-2013, 01:24 AM)Wjames Wrote:  

Eye see life in meta(phor)s of (shadow)y differences
Within different planes and {with[in}different] existences
Where we’re ALL hell’d accOuNtablE no matter who testifies
No matter the witnesses, no matter the compromise
No matter the businesses, no matter the justice or injustice
Eye KIN see superheroes in a hall of just us
Despite the sentences and despite the judges
Judge us spiritually enslaved to a system literally giving us the busyness
Despite the hey low overhead, the profits martyr your integrity
Crowning heroes with thorns in hot pursuit of a dollar tree
Conditioned by the soul’d to believe in what’s been Red and what we Sea penned
Sleepin’ we mosey along with a thin command of mint esteemed to darken our spirits without end
Apart from the fare, rose a kiss from the grave that erodes the dead scrolls
ConSealing da vorce behind an underground army being bred for tolls and not for whom the bell tolls
Nah Sir Jones, . . . it was written in public secrecy to make you an enemy
And through this angry bird’s eye we can see its squared away in masonry
Only to reap/pear amid\ hermetic Thot’s and memory
With emphasis on damages we tend to only see a tomb
Like Hardened raiders in a temple, lost and made simple, and kneeling before this legion of doom

A really interesting poem. A lot of what you were trying to do probably flew over my head, but I really liked some of your lines.

Especially the ones like:

"Eye KIN see superheroes in a hall of just us"

I like the way this sort of sounds like both, "in all of us", and "in a hall of justice"

"Despite the hey low overhead"

Another great line.


I also like the capitalization of ALL & ONE in the third-line.

[Magpie]

This is fascinating,
I really appreciate what you're trying to do here, and it's very clever.
And because it is what it is, it just asks to be read more than a few times just in case I missed something.
I particularly like "idolatry" and "commandments"
Excellent stuff and food for thought.
Thanks
AR

[Zerric]

I greatly appreciate the feedback, this piece filled with riddles, and to be quite honest that's the way I write, I'm sorry if the metaphors and allusions didn't work for you, but this is my very first post on this site, and I'm still checking percentage of gray matter being used.

I'm sorry...you're checking what? percentage of gray matter being used by who? you? or the other people on this forum?