What is all this STUFF?

[seriouslyme]

Empty water bottles lain on the desk,
clothes on the floor next to the hamper,
strewn books, papers, makeup, cards,
and STUFFED ANIMALS too!
There’s the deco duck tape she begged for,
costing $5/roll, still not used.
“But EVERYONE is making pen flowers, mom!” Ugh…
Tiptoeing from one clean carpet patch to another,
I feel like a frog with his lily pads,
or a soldier braving across a minefield.
The computer screen blares constantly,
sounds bleeping from incoming Skype calls,
a plate with remaining dinner from hours earlier
and she says, “I’m still eating that!”
More stuff, even scary stuff still may loom.
I enter cautiously and get out quick,
Zoloft can only do so much.
I’m ready for a bulldozer, a wrecking ball
or a full blown demolition team.
I have begged, pleaded, grounded her
but still the dazed look on her face
throws me when I demand action.
I am making my plans,
covert cleanup, kid’s room coup,
overthrow of the bedroom...
No matter what, the big sweep of all sweeps
Like a mega broom pushing it all off a cliff.
Time to purge the endless stuff:
stuff she never uses,
stuff she’s outgrown,
stuff that looks like garbage,
it’s just too much stuff!

[Todd]

Hi Heather,

Hoarding and the psychology behind it can make for a very good poem. What I've noticed when I've come across hoarding is its a little like anorexia in that the person is often suffering from some loss and holding onto things as a means of having some control. It also reminds me of the OCD counting disorders where the person believes on some more than superstitious level that doing a certain number of repetitive actions will avert tragedy.

For a poem like this to be effective in my opinion, it has to hint at more of the whys. You have some good concrete details and the sheer amount of them actually helps the topic of the poem.

This is not me wanting to write your poem but instead of the speaker of the poem pleading or begging, it may be more effective to go into ideas this way.

Stuff, Stuff
More stuff
You add details to set the scene and then the speaker says something like:

I hold up that dress that she used to wear
in that old photograph leaning on dad's chevy
thirty years and fifty pounds ago
[Have a reaction from the mom]

That isn't great writing in my example, I just think the equation repeated over and over needs to be:

item + mom's emotional loss or attachment to item + response to even thinking of getting rid of it = emotional power.

Maybe after the set up making a narrative chain of items that show why the mother is locked into a cycle that the speaker can't understand. It will be have to be subtle, but I think it's what this one needs.

I do like a lot of your imagery (the frog and the soldier) and many of your concrete details. I just want to go to the core of it all.

Just my thoughts.

Best,

Todd

Empty water bottles lain on the desk,
clothes on the floor next to the hamper,
strewn books, papers, makeup, cards,
and STUFFED ANIMALS too!
There’s the deco duck tape she begged for,
costing $5/roll, still not used.
“But EVERYONE is making pen flowers, mom!” Ugh…
Tiptoeing from one clean carpet patch to another,
I feel like a frog with his lily pads,
or a soldier braving across a minefield.
The computer screen blares constantly,
sounds bleeping from incoming Skype calls,
a plate with remaining dinner from hours earlier
and she says, “I’m still eating that!”
More stuff, even scary stuff still may loom.
I enter cautiously and get out quick,
Zoloft can only do so much.
I’m ready for a bulldozer, a wrecking ball
or a full blown demolition team.
I have begged, pleaded, grounded her
but still the dazed look on her face
throws me when I demand action.
I am making my plans,
covert cleanup, kid’s room coup,
overthrow of the bedroom...
No matter what, the big sweep of all sweeps
Like a mega broom pushing it all off a cliff.
Time to purge the endless stuff:
stuff she never uses,
stuff she’s outgrown,
stuff that looks like garbage,
it’s just too much stuff!

[Smiffy]

having been there and still having one son at home who seems to want the contents of the kitchen in his bedroom I just cannot find it in myself to find any fault with this, you have my upmost sympathy
smiffy (a fellow sufferer)

[seriouslyme]

Thank you, Fellow Sufferer. Misery appreciates the company! = )

Heather

having been there and still having one son at home who seems to want the contents of the kitchen in his bedroom I just cannot find it in myself to find any fault with this, you have my upmost sympathy
smiffy (a fellow sufferer)