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I don’t know how it started putting lipstick onto sheep
It’s an odd kind off perversion a secret I can’t keep
In the middle of the field there is no place to hide
It’s not something that I brag about there is no sense of pride
And it can be quite exhausting because after all remember
Sheep aren’t used to wearing stockings and suspenders
You asked to explain the method that I use
Let me make it very clear I only do it to the ewes
I’m not that perverted to do it to a ram
I’m always very gentle I’m a very thoughtful man
Now for your information sheep like a bit of bread
With a bread roll on my todger, I entice a bit of head
This makes their mouths open wider, exposing luscious lips
With lipstick held steady I give a wiggle of the hips
I’ve no preference as to colour though vermilion red works well
And should the bread roll slip let me tell you it hurts like hell
though you really have to concentrate when you put the stockings on
The suspenders can be tricky but the efforts worth the fun
And I always take a picture for the album that you hold
So your honour I solemnly promise to do as I am told
And always take you with me when I make a little trip
But I want you to remember this important little tip
With their feet shoved down your wellies you might risk a heart attack
As you force them to the cliff edge and the buggers start pushing back
So I hope you’ll be polite when you meet Ewenice and BA BA RA anne
And when the farmer wants his portion.... I hope you’ll take it like a man
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
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"With their feet shoved down your willies you might risk a heart attack" -- I think you mean "wellies", otherwise that's got to be really painful!
A NZ comedian got his own back quite well regarding these sorts of jokes. His reply went something like this: yes, we all shag sheep... and then we butcher them and send the meat to Australia, and you bastards eat it. How do you like those lamb chops now?
It could be worse
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(02-12-2013, 05:00 AM)Leanne Wrote: cheers missed that, painful I reckon so,
"With their feet shoved down your willies you might risk a heart attack" -- I think you mean "wellies", otherwise that's got to be really painful!
A NZ comedian got his own back quite well regarding these sorts of jokes. His reply went something like this: yes, we all shag sheep... and then we butcher them and send the meat to Australia, and you bastards eat it. How do you like those lamb chops now?
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
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a little bit of work on the punctuation. i got a good laugh from it and i'm guessing that's the intent. in the way of constructive feedback, i'd suggest some kind of meter, i've heard the phrase accentual verse bandied about where each line has the same number of stressed syllables or just an iambic meter. great to see your poetry
thanks for the read. the good thing about shagging sheep,...you can eat the evidence
(02-11-2013, 08:06 PM)Smiffy Wrote: I don’t know how it started putting lipstick onto sheep
It’s an odd kind off perversion a secret I can’t keep of?
In the middle of the field there is no place to hide
It’s not something that I brag about, there is no sense of pride
And it can be quite exhausting because after all remember
Sheep aren’t used to wearing stockings and suspenders loved it 
You asked to explain the method that I use
Let me make it very clear I only do it to the ewes
I’m not that perverted to do it to a ram
I’m always very gentle I’m a very thoughtful man
Now for your information sheep like a bit of bread
With a bread roll on my todger, I entice a bit of head
This makes their mouths open wider, exposing luscious lips
With lipstick held steady I give a wiggle of the hips
I’ve no preference as to colour though vermilion red works well
And should the bread roll slip let me tell you it hurts like hell
though you really have to concentrate when you put the stockings on
The suspenders can be tricky but the efforts worth the fun
And I always take a picture for the album that you hold
So your honour a solemnly promise to do as I am told I sol..?
And always take you with me when I make a little trip
But I want you to remember this important little tip
With their feet shoved down your wellies you might risk a heart attack
As you force them to the cliff edge and the buggers start pushing back
So I hope you’ll be polite when you meet Ewenice and BA BA RA anne
And when the farmer wants his portion.... I hope you’ll take it like a man
Posts: 23
Threads: 11
Joined: Jan 2013
[quote='billy' pid='115869' dateline='1360655529']
a little bit of work on the punctuation. i got a good laugh from it and i'm guessing that's the intent. in the way of constructive feedback, i'd suggest some kind of meter, i've heard the phrase accentual verse bandied about where each line has the same number of stressed syllables or just an iambic meter. great to see your poetry
thanks for the read. the good thing about shagging sheep,...you can eat the evidence
From one Billy to another cheers, I have edited to I, I quite often find that I can read my poems and the meter seems ok but when read by someone else it seems slightly off, my be my Lancashire accent.
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
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02-13-2013, 08:02 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-13-2013, 08:06 AM by billy.)
lancashire, i'm from stretford, missing hollands meat and potato pies
it's the same with me. and i suspect many others. i can see stuff in other peoples poetry but miss it in my own. i think we're wired up to think....mmm that's a good poem i just wrote
ps, it's off, not because of you're accent but because it's off.  you must be a city fan  ...if it were an odd foot then maybe that would be the case but in some places it's a lot more than that. it's a still a great read. it all depends how great you want it to be
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I realise now why you consider it off Billy, I wrote this whilst on a singles holiday in Menorca for it to be read out to my fellow walkers, now others might not be able to make it scan but for me with the accents in the right place it works well, maybe performing it is different to reading it and perhaps a little more punctuation would help.
No I am not a City fan though all my kids lean that way, likewise I am not a Red either, I suffered a season ticket at Bury for some 14 yrs in the 80's until my brother passed away when the passion went out of football for me. Hollands pies, I thought you could get them almost anywhere these days,
Cheers for the input, much appreciated
Smiffy (Bill)
(02-13-2013, 08:02 AM)billy Wrote: lancashire, i'm from stretford, missing hollands meat and potato pies 
it's the same with me. and i suspect many others. i can see stuff in other peoples poetry but miss it in my own. i think we're wired up to think....mmm that's a good poem i just wrote 
ps, it's off, not because of you're accent but because it's off. you must be a city fan ...if it were an odd foot then maybe that would be the case but in some places it's a lot more than that. it's a still a great read. it all depends how great you want it to be 
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
 it's sometimes difficult to get humour into poetry, people start criticising form etc... but.. sometimes, something is just funny, and this is, not the greatest poem i've ever read but, it did make me laugh, and out loud to ( sorry I refuse to type LoL ) and if something makes you laugh during your day, then it is worth the effort and the plaudits,
cheers mate...
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Many thanks Richard, I might get around to posting my follow up Bull in a Dress
(02-16-2013, 11:31 PM)richardpoet Wrote: it's sometimes difficult to get humour into poetry, people start criticising form etc... but.. sometimes, something is just funny, and this is, not the greatest poem i've ever read but, it did make me laugh, and out loud to ( sorry I refuse to type LoL ) and if something makes you laugh during your day, then it is worth the effort and the plaudits,
cheers mate...
never make someone your priority when to them you are only an option
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(02-13-2013, 04:34 PM)Smiffy Wrote: I realise now why you consider it off Billy, I wrote this whilst on a singles holiday in Menorca for it to be read out to my fellow walkers, now others might not be able to make it scan but for me with the accents in the right place it works well, maybe performing it is different to reading it and perhaps a little more punctuation would help.
No I am not a City fan though all my kids lean that way, likewise I am not a Red either, I suffered a season ticket at Bury for some 14 yrs in the 80's until my brother passed away when the passion went out of football for me. Hollands pies, I thought you could get them almost anywhere these days,
Cheers for the input, much appreciated
Smiffy (Bill)
(02-13-2013, 08:02 AM)billy Wrote: lancashire, i'm from stretford, missing hollands meat and potato pies 
it's the same with me. and i suspect many others. i can see stuff in other peoples poetry but miss it in my own. i think we're wired up to think....mmm that's a good poem i just wrote 
ps, it's off, not because of you're accent but because it's off. you must be a city fan ...if it were an odd foot then maybe that would be the case but in some places it's a lot more than that. it's a still a great read. it all depends how great you want it to be 
we don't get decent sausages or pork pies either
the spoken word is often set out a lot different in the mind than it is on the paper.
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