Let's fight, let's talk it out, let's mess it up

[serge gurkski]

Let's fight, let's talk it out, let's mess it up
and then: let's make a mess of sexy Jazz we dig.

You say "common decency"
I say " sweet communion"
You say "respect"
I say "both ways."

"How many light years to cross?"

Non tenerti dentro tutto

But life tells me
- and I knew it anyway -
that it won't work.

We might have never had
those goods we thought we had.

We turn our backs to us
to mount
the Everest of sadness
to preach
to our respective
gospel choirs
like two confused
Jesusses and
totally out of
our beautiful minds.

[Stalker]

nasty. - sorry but that is what i think - not worthy.

[serge gurkski]

what I deleted here was complete bs

[cidermaid]

Hi Serge
Sorry but this just does not do anything for me on a poetic level. It reads more like a shopping list of picture stories i might want to see in my next sexual fantasy magazine. I don't have a problem with poetry that is sexual or even pornographic in nature. (I particularly like flying pork!). Sadly (by comparison, after reading some of your other poems), this one has no imagery, subtlety or finesse and if there is poetic art used I will need others to point it out for me. Sorry to be so harsh, but then this is the serious critique board.
I have come to really appreciate your submissions and make a point of reading your work because it is more often than not very enjoyable and I highly rate a lot of your work....In my opinion this submission is not worthy of your name or this thread. JMO of course and I will continue to look out for some of your other poems.


AJ.

[Stalker]

we can disagree - that is not a problem - but i ask which aspect of this contains originality?

phone sex? - trench coat? - messy oysters?

is it a 3some that makes it original? - shock value?


anyway we can't agree all the time - that would be scary.

StalKeR

[serge gurkski]

this is not about originality but instead about something that happened.
I'm pretty sorry that my life displeases you thus muchly.
but - on a slightly lighter note - would not you, queen of the marketing strategists
in the first place know that bad publicity arouses the most interest?

---

Hi Serge
Sorry but this just does not do anything for me on a poetic level. It reads more like a shopping list of picture stories i might want to see in my next sexual fantasy magazine. I don't have a problem with poetry that is sexual or even pornographic in nature. (I particularly like flying pork!). Sadly (by comparison, after reading some of your other poems), this one has no imagery, subtlety or finesse and if there is poetic art used I will need others to point it out for me. Sorry to be so harsh, but then this is the serious critique board.
I have come to really appreciate your submissions and make a point of reading your work because it is more often than not very enjoyable and I highly rate a lot of your work....In my opinion this submission is not worthy of your name or this thread. JMO of course and I will continue to look out for some of your other poems.


AJ.

Hi Cidermaid,
Well, at least I was for once comprehensible.
Thank you for reading me. I do appreciate that . :-)

cheers
Serge

---

see: threesome!

update re blog: the woman who first liked my porn,has just retracted. Instead now I have a male liker. Not sure if I am so fond of that. ;-)

I hope you know, that this is tongue in cheek.

---

If you compare this text to Blue Lament, could you point out to me why this one is worse?
This question is NOT tongue in cheek.
Is it rather the content or the style?

---

I apologize to Lucy.
My pms comment was total bs.


Please accept my apologies.

---

wrapped it up a bit

---

rev one on

[serge gurkski]

Lucy and Cider:

You were dead right! took me sometime to realize.
So ... thanks for commenting.

This is what I will keep for another poem:

Boudoir boogie
Suddenly the Phone rings.
No coitus interruptus please!


rev 1 btw will become part 2 of Blue Lament. Just adopted it. I call my Oliver Twist.

cheers serge (I more ressemble Uriah Heep, darn it ,-)

But please don't be mean and correct me and say: Ebenezer Scrooge

unless ..........

kinky rules. (goes without saying)

[cidermaid]

Hi Serge,
Is this an edit or a new poem?....either way back on track to form.
Hope to get back to you with some crit / comments later.
AJ

[serge gurkski]

A new poem, of course. ,-) (was a bit tic).
Hey I learnt sth today. Ty for feedback
I would rather you'd say sth about Blue Lament (forget this nonsense here) ,-) I mean it.

and if you can ... well, what Leanne said. (no: I - love - this comments. )