Eager End

[Murederum]

______

[rowens]

One day this whole world is going to be nothing but drug addicts. It already is. Once people used vampires and zombies as projected fears, now they want to be vampires and zombies. And they are. What better way to be a soulless monster than to make it the In thing to be? High fashion. The last girl I was with called me Van Helsing; spitefully called me that. But like Deckard from Blade Runner said, "...They're either a benefit or a hazard...If they're a benefit, it's not my problem."



This poem seems rushed. It seems to feed off itself though, in the Illuminations style, when you go: "You dead beat addict; They're hiding in the attic while you're tearing down the house..."

Maybe you could run through it again, and check for mistakes, and decide if there's any changes you think you should make.

[hamartia]

I found the imagery quite compelling, but I tripped up on the punctuation here and there - could well be that I'm just not used to reading in this sort of format, admittedly. I think it might just be the use of capitalisation after semicolons, it makes me slow down when the writing's making me want to feel breathless, to take everything in in one go.