Let's Keep the Lights Off

[AisforApple]

I have an affinity for the small things
The sweet things
The good, complete, real things

I don't give much thought to the words
Stumbling clumsily from parted lips in dim light
Words like "commitment", "love", and "serious"

I feel them and their complexities
But I do not find their meaning in the arrangement of letters
Common characters used to spell out
What can so easily be found under our tongues while kissing

I do not cherish their sounds or their length
I do not even cherish the inflection of your voice as you say them

I hold fast, however, to the novels you leave on my neck
Inky bruises that pour out like calligraphy from a dripping quill
Mapping out passions of adolescent proportions

The language of air escaping
From in between skin pressing against skin

The alphabet carved by fingernails and coffee stained teeth
Digging and biting into rounded sweating shoulders

I find "I love you's" in your wide silent smiles
Eyes closed tight, stifling back screams

I find terms of endearment in the hot breath
That meets the small of my back before your mouth does

I feel closure under the weight of your body
I feel affection in your hands grasping my hips
There is more love in the arrangement of our limbs
Than in the arrangement of four letters

And as for "serious"?

It's nothing more than a word
If you thought things were serious,
I must not know how to be in love.

[brandontoh]

I have an affinity for the small things
The sweet things
The good, complete, real things -- This opening stanza makes readers interested. What are those things you speak of? Some may find it cliche, but I find it intriguing.

I don't give much thought to the words
Stumbling clumsily from parted lips in dim light
Words like "commitment", "love", and "serious" -- I especially like the second line, though I feel that you can play it out a little more, keeping the mystery alive still. If you're going for the forward approach though, that's fine, but I feel that keeping the readers wondering makes the poem more interesting.

I feel them and their complexities
But I do not find their meaning in the arrangement of letters
Common characters used to spell out
What can so easily be found under our tongues while kissing

I do not cherish their sounds or their length
I do not even cherish the inflection of your voice as you say them -- Great imagery. I really like these 2 stanzas. These are the stanzas that give your poem the strong image.

I hold fast, however, to the novels you leave on my neck
Inky bruises that pour out like calligraphy from a dripping quill
Mapping out passions of adolescent proportions -- Nice simile. So far, the imagery is still going very strong, but be careful not to overstretch it to the point where it becomes boring!

The language of air escaping
From in between skin pressing against skin

The alphabet carved by fingernails and coffee stained teeth
Digging and biting into rounded sweating shoulders

I find "I love you's" in your wide silent smiles
Eyes closed tight, stifling back screams

I find terms of endearment in the hot breath
That meets the small of my back before your mouth does

I feel closure under the weight of your body
I feel affection in your hands grasping my hips
There is more love in the arrangement of our limbs
Than in the arrangement of four letters -- You didn't overstretch it! =)

And as for "serious"?

It's nothing more than a word
If you thought things were serious,
I must not know how to be in love. -- Good finish. Overall, I find that while there are words that I'd cut form the poem, you did well in setting the image and scenery up. The word choices are appropriate, and you avoided going into cliche quite well. It was a tightrope, but you traversed it nicely. Thanks for the read, and hope I'm of help! =)

[benthejack]

great poem. I particularly appreciate the skill with which you avoided the extremes of saccharine/gushy and cynical/cold, not too easy with the subject matter.
The poem has a good balance of beautiful imagery (I particularly liked the 5th stanza) and a cutting message.

I guess my critique would be that the structure could be more refined (it currently seems quite ad-hoc). With longer poems (more than say 5 stanzas) I personally like more structure, as it keeps me focused and draws me through the piece. The story and imagery here definitely did that for me, but some form of logical structure would help to emphasize it.