Breathe

[Loveblind]

One day I’ll inhale the air
Until it fills up my lungs
My body in a race with the wind
Hair lost in the wind
Surround myself around the
Flowers that is moving swiftly
All my troubles gone
One day i`ll breathe

[addy]

I like what I see of this poem LB. Very pretty, and again you are using images that are distinct from your previous poems. Just needs editing, imo.

One day I’ll inhale the air
Until it fills up my lungs Maybe you can push this idea further. Breathing, logically, does fill up your lungs, so that's not an aspirational thought at all. Push the image to make it special ("My lungs open like wings"... something like that but of course your own)
My body in a race with the wind
Hair lost in the wind try not to repeat "wind", especially so closely
Surround myself around "with" instead of around? the
Flowers that is [b]"are"[/b] moving swiftly Can't picture this. Do you mean the flower petals are being blown in the wind? I'd really like a clearer image of this
All my troubles gone
One day i`ll breathe

[billy]

One day I’ll inhale the air
Until it fills up my lungs (try burst instead of fills or something else)
My body in a race with the wind
Hair lost in the wind (wind needs to be used once choose where)
Surround myself around the (in or within)
Flowers that is moving swiftly (flowers that are )
All my troubles gone
One day i`ll breathe

i like the idea of wanting to smell the rose.
all in all a nice little poem. though the underlying them feels like oppression i get a sense of hope in it.

thanks for the read LB

if possible try and comment on a couple of other peoples poems now and then.