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That feeling...
People look at you
They don't see you
Y'all lock eyes
They didn't mean to
Did they notice?
Are they scared?
More importantly
Are these thoughts shared?
Hello, my name is potential
I'm here for you to see
Hello, my name's opportunity
I'm just way too busy
That feeling...
Determination too easily distracted
Added to the fact
Desire is too easily subtracted
I want this today
That sounds good tomorrow
Gave my all to yesterday
For now I'll just borrow
That feeling...
No one understands you
You don't plan life
Life plans you
Hello, my name is confidence
We haven't spoken in a while
Hello, my name is doubt
They judge, I'm always on trial
Did they notice?
How do I look?
Sentence passed point blank
On an empty book
My feeling...
The cardinal sins equate to vanity
The basic instincts of humanity
To deny myself? Sounds like insanity!
Perfect world? Joke not of this calamity!
"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor."-Sholom Aleichem
Posts: 25
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Joined: Jan 2013
I got dressed the other day ... I was running around looking for a different sweater to wear so that I wasn't wearing the same clothing as my last meet up/class.
I got frustrated, as I have for many years of my life in the mornings. This anxiety quickened, it took over my mind and body and I started throwing my clothes around worrying about how I would come across if I didn't show up in a different outfit. Then I stopped. Took a breath. Remembered that I hadn't had any greens yet. Grabbed my favorite sweater that I wore to the class before and said out loud,
"You can not control me, judging eyes!"
Crazy? maybe, but I felt empowered, like I had overcome a demon inside of me that is always working to make me feel insecure. Who really cares if I look the same 2 classes in a row - if people really care they need to get their priorities straight because there are more important things in this world to worry about and it took me a long time to see this. I would make up scenarios in my head of the potential thoughts people would have in their minds with every article of clothing I picked up and this took over my life for years - worrying primarily about a future point of social existence. Those kinds of things don't matter. They do in my mind somewhat sometimes but it isn't a productive way of being and I have to remind myself of that. I get so lost in these trains of thought sometimes but now I can find my way out. When I eat greens I feel like my body and mind are running on a completely different system. Like I am a different person, someone with lighter baggage and the nutrients and level of hydration to open my mind and see through all of the thought-rubbish that can take over my life. My solution to these mentally toxic moments is in asking 2 simple questions : "have I had my greens yet?" "have I taken a deep breath?"
If I am feeling insecure chances are the answer is no.
Anyway, your poem made my think of this. The war inside - sifting through socially ingrained thought-rubbish to get to the good stuff. I really enjoyed it! thank you
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber
Posts: 40
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Joined: Jan 2013
i loved your reply... it really resonates with my life because i am a victim of the same thought processes and i have to take time out to remind myself that i am me regardless of what happens and in order to be me i cant be them. i always feel like i am fighting for something that i will never achieve. like if i try to stand out then i am just grouped with the people that are flamboyant or if i try to lay low then i am grouped with the people who have a nonchalant attitude. the war inside is what i fight every single day.
i am glad you enjoyed the poem and thank you for sharing your story
"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor."-Sholom Aleichem
Posts: 25
Threads: 12
Joined: Jan 2013
thank you for your poetry
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber
Ariadne Storm
Unregistered
I really love this. When I read it, I feel a rush of anger towards all those who judge, those who look but do not see. I like how your poem captured the ferocity of those being judged, and I feel like you've really known the struggle to get away from prying eyes yourself. Your writing has managed to depict the essence of the range of emotions one feels upon the realisation that they are being judged for their every move. You had me hooked from the first line. Brilliant work, I look forward to reading more of your work.
Posts: 25
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Joined: Jan 2013
...I think it is a construct of the mind. I think everyone suffers from it, we all judge and if anything as individuals we are all much more concerned with what others think of us than what we think of each other. If we are looking for acceptance outside of our self (I don't know if any of us aren't), we walk around in this thought bubble of insecurity and project our insecurities onto others like they are walking mirrors - that is the heart of judgement. we all "do not see" ourselves. It is all about breaking through that barrier with self acceptance. Let go of that insecurity demon and you begin to see yourself in others - you begin to see others who walk around as you do worried about what people think more than what they think of you. If people are judging you, they probably don't see yet who they are actually judging.
It is not something to feel anger towards, it is something to feel compassionate about
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber
