What do you think of my first ever poem?

[chris89]

It's truly divine as the light blossoms in your eye
For I have no intuition for what I should not understand
There is no potentiality of an inconceivable hidden agenda
Intuition be-falls your negative and perceives my positive
There is no unimpressionable return

[doolasmind#11]

first off welcome, im fairly new to this myself so I'm not going to write anything mind-blowing but I will say that I do see a lot of potential. I think you need to take every line and make it into a whole stanza and shorten the wording as well. big words are good in some cases but if you have to many it can really jumble up the content. while you don't want to "dumb" your writings down you do want them to be able to be read by a wide and diverse audience. just one man's opinion i'm sure there will be others.

good job for the first time and again welcome to the site

[chris89]

Thanks what do u think my poem is about?

[doolasmind#11]

to me it is about a person that you are attracted to but they are unsure about starting a relationship

[chris89]

Dann that's amazing lol yeah that's right she wrote a poem like when she's sees me walk her way a rush comes over her like panic. I don't if its for me and this poem isn't directed to her directly but maybe she understand s it I hope.

Any advice?

[doolasmind#11]

confidence is key, i've never wrote a poem for a girl before i was actually dating her, so poetry was never a way for me to get her interested it was always a way for me to keep the energy in the relationship at a high level. i would say talk to her and just be confident about it and you'll be fine... women aren't as complicated as they would like to make us think(i know I'm going to catch flak for that statement lol)

[chris89]

Thanks