Starless Nights

[brandontoh]

Thanks for reading my poem. Thought of adding more to it, but decided to put it off for now, because I want to avoid having too much excess. Is it too abstract the way it is currently?

First Edit:
Starless Nights
Colours, untouchable.
Are they rainbows?
Hugs, unseen.
Are they breezes?
Fragrance, unidentifiable.
Is it the flora?

One,
By habit.
Your warmth replaced;
With tenderness of air.
With sky as roof, grass as bed.

One,
Thinking of another,
Is that loneliness?

original:
Starless Nights
Colours, untouchable.
Are they rainbows?
Hugs, unseen.
Are they breezes?
Fragrance, unidentifiable.
Is it the flora?

One,
By habit. By circumstance.
With tenderness of air.
With sky as roof, grass as bed.

One,
Thinking of another,
Is that loneliness?

[brandontoh]

Just a little bump. I hope it's not against the rules. Please don't whack me with the infamous ban hammer. D:

[doolasmind#11]

Just a little bump. I hope it's not against the rules. Please don't whack me with the infamous ban hammer. D:

hahahahaha nice

i think its really abstract i mean i get the whole first stanza about seeing, touching and feeling but i am confused when you say

One,
By habit. By circumstance.
With tenderness of air.
With sky as roof, grass as bed.

One,
Thinking of another,
Is that loneliness?

are you trying to say that the senses are independent of each other and individually they are lonely?

[brandontoh]

Thanks for the read. =) Uh, no, unfortunately. I'm trying to get across the idea of loneliness in terms of feelings. Like, you can never truly understand another person's feelings in this world, but you still yearn for it. That's the gist of it.

[doolasmind#11]

haha like i just didn't understand your feelings about the poem. i'm on that same mindset as well though, i do not believe in empathy.

[brandontoh]

I've added a new line. =) Hope it's better. It's up in the first post.