Marble Magic

[Keith]

The drugs didn't work!
too much, too soon,
screams inside,
the waiting room.
Flesh, pushed to split,
marble skin and blue lips,
born in blood, life begins;
the magic worked
from within.

[brandontoh]

The drugs didn't work
too much, too soon,
screams inside,
the waiting room,
flesh, pushed to split,
marble skin and blue lip,
born in blood, life begins;
the magic worked
from within.

It's a really nice imagery. Honestly not sure what is left to improve. Oh, and I think blue lip should be plural. It's a short and sweet poem, and if I really got to nit-pick, I'd change some commas into periods, and end the first line in an exclamation mark. That's just pure nit-picking, however.

[Keith]

The drugs didn't work
too much, too soon,
screams inside,
the waiting room,
flesh, pushed to split,
marble skin and blue lip,
born in blood, life begins;
the magic worked
from within.

It's a really nice imagery. Honestly not sure what is left to improve. Oh, and I think blue lip should be plural. It's a short and sweet poem, and if I really got to nit-pick, I'd change some commas into periods, and end the first line in an exclamation mark. That's just pure nit-picking, however.

Thanks for your help, much appreciated, I have made some tweeks as suggested, thanks TOMH