First poem ever!

[burka]

This is the first thing I've ever written and I just wanted some general feedback, thanks!

transition

Not if
but when I
have to go, please
give me a
warning
and just a little
while,
because to leave
everything and
everyone behind
with no time for
“remember when"
"I love you"
or "I'm sorry"
would be infinitely
worse than any
crash
accident
or coronary artery atheroma.

To leave the
party without
saying thank you
would just
be terribly rude.

[corawrites]

It's rather choppy so I suggest working on the format, additionally:

and just a little
time,
because to leave
everything and
everyone behind
with no time for
"remember that time"

There's a word here that gets a bit repetitive.
Good effort for your first poem though

[burka]

I noticed the repetition of time shortly after posting this actually, changed it to:

and just a little
while,
because to leave
everything and
everyone behind
with no time for
“remember when”

I'll have a think about the structure too, thank you !

[Jae Mc Donnell]

burka: hello, how are things?
I have to say, for a first attempt this is really good. I like the title and the poem that follows. I get your meaning, so all in all, good job keep it up

[Jagger Cyde]

I like it, but it seems as if you should combine a lot of lines.

[burka]

burka: hello, how are things?
I have to say, for a first attempt this is really good. I like the title and the poem that follows. I get your meaning, so all in all, good job keep it up

hello, things are great thanks, yourself?

thank you so much, that means a lot !

---

I like it, but it seems as if you should combine a lot of lines.

Thank you, I'll have a look at the structure, but I feel I should explain my reasons for writing it this way; yesterday I was told a close family friend of mine (I think of him as more of a relative though) was diagnosed with cancer and that his chances of beating it were slim and as you can imagine, this was quite a shock. He has always been a healthy, lively person, so to hear this shook me quite a bit. However, I have always believed to be diagnosed with something and have time to say your goodbyes etc is far better than to die suddenly and unexpectedly. So I wanted to show the feelings of shock and confusion that come with dealing with death and everything surrounding it, because even though I'm sort of relieved he has this time left to do what he wants to do, there really is no good way for someone close to you to go. I hope that explains it a bit and that it made sense.