Should I hope

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Edit 1
Arrogance proudly gowns itself in wisdom
and erects home on humanity’s decadence;
its gardens fertilized by death,
then graciously watered with parturition

Great men are simply tools of stupidity,
set the task of shouting into the darkness.
They’re so intent on illuminating the depths
they get doused by a flood of lesser glows

As shadow hands beguile the grounds,
the casting light flirts with the night.
While mottled bird are enticed by sparkle,
A jester sports our children’s faces

Great men are as tools of stupidity;
Set the task of shouting into darkness.
So intent on illuminating their depths
They’re doused in a flood of lesser glows

Arrogance gowns itself in wisdom
And erects home on humanity’s decadence;
Its gardens fertilized by death,
Then graciously watered with parturition

We’re so engrossed by shadow hands,
We ask no questions of casting light.
Are we that impressed by sparkle,
We’d give idiocy our children’s place

[Leanne]

Good thoughts about a very unpleasant aspect of society -- have you been watching Fox News? :p

Although it's not bad, I think you could do away with the first stanza or shift it down. The first line of the second stanza is a much stronger beginning.

Instead of the direct "we", you could build this into a completely allegorical piece if you were so inclined -- I'd probably suggest going with the garden metaphor.

[billy]

i think it's overdone, normally i request or suggest a tightening of the poem by removing excess. while as in the first line isn't needed, the 2nd needs something in front of set. something in front of depths.
it feels very quoty but it not bad at all. there's a poet who writes in this manner but i can't recall their name it reminds me of the elections. as well as all the bullshit. not bad at all.

no need to ask us to read it, we will if we can not having that line in there does make it look better.

Great men are as tools of stupidity;
Set the task of shouting into darkness.
So intent on illuminating their depths
They’re doused in a flood of lesser glows

Arrogance gowns itself in wisdom
And erects home on humanity’s decadence;
Its gardens fertilized by death,
Then graciously watered with parturition

We’re so engrossed by shadow hands,
We ask no questions of casting light.
Are we that impressed by sparkle,
We’d give idiocy our children’s place

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Thankyou both for the reply. Billy I do see what you meant about that line, it was more just unedited thoughts than anything. Same with the rest of the poem. It was about mid night when I wrote it. I had just sat through the movie Lincoln. Great movie and this is what came to mind.

Leanna I keep the first stanza as it felt important to me, but I did push it down a bit and changed the third.

Thankyou both for the help