first one I've written in a while "Try"

[destiny1313]

Try

Tough love
that's what they say
black white, dark light
but there's always grey
i thought we had eachother
but you took that away
lost cause, give up
I wish I felt that way
...so I try

If only I could hate you
like you turn and run
but I remember
when this had just begun
we were just childern
you weren't spun
I saw your protectors
load and hand you that gun
...so I try

He's not mine
this child you created
he's so mad
more than anticipated
his poor life
you've left it decimated
and do you care
with eyes so dialated
...so i try

and we wait
the days go by
and we live life
sometimes we cry
and I see him play
and quietly sigh
my silly, strong
unfortunate little guy
...I hope you try

[BennyBoy]

I think this is quite good. It tells a story in a way that reveals things bit by bit. The rhyming is nice too; it never feels forced and helps everything flow smoothly.

Good job!

[destiny1313]

Thank you!!

[arbil_poieo]

Hey Destiny,

"I saw your protectors
load and hand you that gun"
This confused me a bit because it's random. It goes from emotions to a gun being loaded.

The last two stanzas: I think you can build a poem around them because the emotions described in the previous stanzas can be summed up in these. Feelings like abandonment and the narrator still showing effort. They just seemed more intense because the narrator is showing how he/she feels through the kid without actually saying "this is how I feel" like the beginning of the poem.

[doolasmind#11]

nice work i especially like the first part about the polar opposites and then the middle ground between them. It goes on to really capture the emotion of a torn soul, and I could feel your pain throughout.