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Alcho-pops where are you,
that’s it, come on
don’t be shy
Now get over there
in front of the lager.
Everyone else
I said everyone else
listen.
My Intel has confirmed a teenage Christmas party,
so I dont want any mistakes.
Alcho-pops your in first
and you don't stand a chance,
so make you're peice with
the Blue nun before you go.
Lagers, two packs in the kitchen,
the rest, in the fridge.
Cherries take the night off.
Cocktail sticks, erm, just straighten up
Vodka, label front, please try and last the night.
Orange and Blackcurrant
give yourself a wipe, it’s been a while
but if vodka goes you need to go with him,
I need you in the mix.
Babycham it could be a rough night my love
but whatever happens try to reach the nose.
Boxed wines, boxed wines over here now.
Get in line and taps out.
White, if red gets spilt, try to get on top,
less carpet damage and
we should be able to get you both out.
Twelve year old Malt, hold the rear,
I won’t waste my best men on this rabble.
Now Bells you need to go first, followed by,
all though it breaks my heart, Glen Fiddich
Lads if you both go, give em hell
so they won’t come back for Malt
Snowball, not a chance in hell
but be ready just in case.
Eggnog you have to be the
dumbest drink I have
but you do look like custard
so try to make em puke.
Gin, what are you laughing at.
Nothing, sir.
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly,
and you taste like fukin perfume.
get out of my sight before I go blind.
Sshh....sshh
Everyone be quiet, here they come.
Lagers look lively, six not fours.
Shit straight for the cabinet
Little bastard put me down
put me down, what did you call me.
Fuckin JD its Mr Fuckin Daniels to you
you, spot faced little shit
Come on then let’s have it
two shots, try me
I'll rip yer throat out ya bastard
I'll singe your spleen, come on then,
lets see what yer made of,
just, you, me
and my friend Mr glass.
Wait, what, what’s that
Fuckin Coke, drink me like a man
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel
and ice, in a tall glass, whhhyyy
That’s right swill me round
showin off to your mates
all watered down.
To start a war with JD
be sure you can hold my dead
I'll bring the violent
you carry the sick
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Took me a minute to get into the poem since I was wondering what the hell a "larger" was! Thought you might have been telling those big-boned folk to sort themselves out...
JD is a pretty cranky sort, not like that sweet little Babysham  Thank god the Malt is protected.
It could be worse
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That was awesome.
Gin...haha
you taste like fukin perfume.
get out of my sight before I go blind.
No citron...shit.
That was a great read.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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12-13-2012, 09:09 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-13-2012, 09:10 AM by billy.)
hi kieth
it gripped me and reminded me of me  really enjoyed it
i loved babycham 
wtf are boxed whines?
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That was a lot of fun to read.
nailed the tone for sure.
Only small comment is the rhyming in the last stanza came out like diarrhoea... all splooshy and loose with a be, two me's, and a guarantee!
Thanks, loved it!
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
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If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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yeah, it's Babycham with a c, I just had to look it up... I always think of the band, so it gets an s :p
i before e except if you're weird... Hi Keith!
It could be worse
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(12-13-2012, 09:43 AM)Leanne Wrote: yeah, it's Babycham with a c, I just had to look it up... I always think of the band, so it gets an s :p
i before e except if you're weird... Hi Keith!
funny I've always written wierd
the vestle with the pestle is the brew that is true
the flagon with the dragon is the brew that is not
now which way round was it
Cham69 your age is showing
(12-13-2012, 09:28 AM)benthejack Wrote: That was a lot of fun to read.
nailed the tone for sure.
Only small comment is the rhyming in the last stanza came out like diarrhoea... all splooshy and loose with a be, two me's, and a guarantee!
Thanks, loved it!
Them betwomes have had a slurry filter applied
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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keith it is
i was thinking of kieth O'dor
i think this one is a keeper btw,
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(12-14-2012, 03:14 AM)trouble Wrote: hi keith, (hehe)
loved this poem, fantastic imagery.
thank you, it brightened my day
i agree with billy deff a keeper
trouble
hello trouble, thank you for the kind comments
(12-13-2012, 08:27 AM)Todd Wrote: That was awesome.
Gin...haha
you taste like fukin perfume.
get out of my sight before I go blind.
No citron...shit.
That was a great read.
Thanks Todd, I think youve picked out the meat in that line so the slow gin reference can go, after reading it back, today, there are alot of clunky lines in this that need a good trim, but I enjoyed the process of dropping it all in one go (from the heart, well mouth so to speak) maybe I'll check the spelling before post next time
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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i just read it again and it really is a work of art, would look good above any bar excellent.
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(12-14-2012, 10:48 AM)billy Wrote: i just read it again and it really is a work of art, would look good above any bar excellent.
Thanks billy
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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(12-13-2012, 08:15 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: Crème de menthe you piece of shit
look at you, I wouldn't want to drink you
green sugar crystals round your neck
Gin, what are you looking at
Nothing, sir.
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly,
your slow and you taste like fukin perfume.
get out of my sight before I go blind.
Sshh....sshh
Everyone be quiet, here they come.
Lagers look lively, six not fours.
Wait, what, what’s that
Fuckin Coke, drink me like a man
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel
and ice, in a tall glass, why
Wow. In college when performing in wind ensemble and jazz studio orchestra, it's just like the conductor before a big performance in front of "important" people. What a conductor you are! I was hoping never to have to bring that memory back again. Sigh. Now I have to write a poem about how depressed I just got. Haha.
Fear the ghost with the steel face that hides in light; dread the horror Borborygmus.
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(12-19-2012, 07:12 AM)davidbenjamindix Wrote: (12-13-2012, 08:15 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: Crème de menthe you piece of shit
look at you, I wouldn't want to drink you
green sugar crystals round your neck
Gin, what are you looking at
Nothing, sir.
nnnnnothing sir, you shit, they call you Lilly,
your slow and you taste like fukin perfume.
get out of my sight before I go blind.
Sshh....sshh
Everyone be quiet, here they come.
Lagers look lively, six not fours.
Wait, what, what’s that
Fuckin Coke, drink me like a man
shittin bubbles, fuckin caramel
and ice, in a tall glass, why
Wow. In college when performing in wind ensemble and jazz studio orchestra, it's just like the conductor before a big performance in front of "important" people. What a conductor you are! I was hoping never to have to bring that memory back again. Sigh. Now I have to write a poem about how depressed I just got. Haha.
Sorry for invoking melancholic metronomes, ha there, you have a title for your depressed poem, try one without the riddle this time before Batman beats the shit out of you
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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This is the funniest poem I have read in a very long time. Anytime I need a good honest laugh I'll revisit The War Cabinet. I really, really love this!
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it made me laugh so hard. i appreciate it sir
Isn't It Evil to Live Backwards~Loaded Lux
I'm Batman, act up and I'll squeeze Hecklers/You'll die before the first clip drops, Heath Ledger!
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(01-07-2013, 12:02 PM)Arriedo Wrote: it made me laugh so hard. i appreciate it sir
And I sir, appreciate your comment, Many thanks Keith
(01-07-2013, 10:29 AM)arbil_poieo Wrote: This is the funniest poem I have read in a very long time. Anytime I need a good honest laugh I'll revisit The War Cabinet. I really, really love this!
Glad you enjoyed it many thanks for your kind words
Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Third stanza, your to you're (I think)
otherwise, great stuff.
I'll be there in a minute.
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(01-09-2013, 05:46 PM)newsclippings Wrote: Third stanza, your to you're (I think)
otherwise, great stuff.
Ah, well spotted, will change thanks TOMH
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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Thanks for all your other comments, shit did I spell Babysham wrong as well 
