Truth

[Arriedo]

Let's converse about how we as humans are cursed/
and the curse is arrogance and not understanding our worth/
yea we're the top of the food chain but we created the hearse/
lock us up in caskets and carried around like a purse/
tell me what's worse/
that our future could end at any time/
or that your more likely to get eradicated by your own kind/
time is not kind no time to rewind/
our future is our past and we haven't learned from countless wars/
our little girls are still growing up to be useless whores/
fourteen looking like a clown knocking on neighbors doors/
no idea what they're saying as they drop panties on strangers floors/
and our boys are no better slinging crack and heroin/
they're supposed to warriors not mindless barbarians/

[arbil_poieo]

Hey Arriedo
This has a strong point.

I think mostly theres just grammar problems
comma after "yea" in the third line
"your" should be you're---"or that you're more likely..." in line 7
there should be a comma after "kind" in line 8
add "be" after "to" in the last line

This has a significant meaning that you delivered with a punch in each line almost like it's everyone's burden and problem that we all need to solve, very effective approach to address the audience rather than just stating it with no weight.

[doolasmind#11]

i read it like a song and i thought it was awesome. i especially like

and our boys are no better slinging crack and heroin/
they're supposed to warriors not mindless barbarians/

nice piece

[billy]

why all the backslashes?

ash pointed out about the grammar and missed be in the last line.
the end rhymes aren't as good as they could be. (if they are end rhymes)
the poem is indicative of our times, though it feels more like a statement than the converse of the 1st line.

good effort.

[Yelleryella123]

Hey, I hope you don't mind I had a go at your poem.. not sure if that is an acceptable thing to do. But here it is, hope you like it
(are the backslashes representing more of a rap when read?)

Let us converse about how we as humans are cursed,
Locked up in caskets and carried around like a purse.
Tell me what is worse, that our future could end any time -
Or that you are likely to be eradicated by your own kind?
Time is not kind, there is no rewind,
Our future is our past, our past in our mind.

We haven't learned from countless wars,
Our little girls still useless whores,
as panties drop on strangers floors,
no idea what they are saying.

Our little boys on crack and heroin,
supposed to be warriors not mindless barbarians,
mumbling-lost-humanitarians,
no idea what they are saying.
_______________________
I'm a noob. my writing is a bit forced but I thought I'd have a go and maybe you can take something from it

"and the curse is arrogance and not understanding our worth/"
arrogance, indifference, ignorance.. I like this, though I do not believe in curses.

"If you believe there is no other way, there is no other way to find,
If you believe humanity is cursed, it is only in your mind."
http://blog.unstash.com/where-the-magic-happens/

I am interested in more of your thoughts and your work. Good work! keep writing