Loathe

[Loveblind]

At the end of the
Night
I strip my clothes of
My back

Stand in front of the mirror
Bare body
I lift them up with my hands
Only if they were higher
And didn't fall to my stomach

Lines run on my back
touching the top of my butt
hips long, gut overlaps
jiggles between my thighs
when I walk

To think men worship
What I am viewing
I can’t come to conclusion why

But, for now I can only
Imagine
I loathe everything I see
In the reflection

Maybe it’s the excitement
And arousal they
Feel

Self-centered and selfish
How they can enjoy
But, I
Cant
Enjoy or embrace what I’ve got

[addy]

At the end of the
Night
I strip my clothes of
My back For me, it read like "I strip my clothes of. My back..." which I know is wrong . So maybe say "I strip the clothes of my back"

Stand in front of the mirror
Bare body
I lift them up with my hands Lift what up? This confused me
Only if they were higher

The back of me lines run around This line confused me too
hips long, gut overlaps
jiggles between my thighs
when I walk

To think men worship
What I am viewing
I can’t come to conclusion why "I can't fathom why" is probable close to what you mean

But, for now I can only
Imagine There's an idea break between these first two and last two lines. These first two belong more with the previous stanza
I loathe everything I see
In the reflection

Maybe it’s the excitement
And arousal they
Feel

Self-centered and selfish
How they can enjoy
But, I
Cant
Enjoy or embrace what I’ve got I love these final lines of yours. Very poignant

I always like how you end your poems LB. There's always a thought and feeling behind them Keep these up!

[billy]

i think you're beginning to find yourself as far as poetry goes LB

since your first poems you posted here your poetry as evolved. it now has more imagery. and less of the cliche angst. the new angst is more original lol.

i think addy has made some good points so i won't go over them.
the piece feels real gritty.

The back of me lines run around
hips long, gut overlaps
jiggles between my thighs
when I walk

while the 1st line needs some sorting i love this verse.

*****************************************************

To think men worship
What I am viewing
I can’t come to conclusion why

though addy asks why.
it feels honest and robust.

for me the last line should read; I can’t come to the same conclusion.

********************************

this verse again leaves something solid in the reader.


Self-centered and selfish
How they can enjoy
But, I
Cant
Enjoy or embrace what I’ve got

and the finishing. mmm i'm not as keen as addy over it but i think that's because for me the enjambment is all over the place. it just feels clunky for me. the content works but it needs laying down with a little more thought.

you're improving by leaps and bounds. thanks for the read as usual.