The Monologue of a Misanthrope

[zeevs100]

Hello, everyone! I'm a new member of the forum. English is not my native language, and I don't have any experience with poetry written in English. In all my life I've read only two or three poems in English, but I do have a long practice of writing poetry in my own language. I came directly here to receive an objective feedback. Thank you in advance.
1st Edit
I do not know the taste of love,
I do not know its shapeless touch,
I do not know the secret ways
That I could love someone so much.

I do not know the poison taste
Nor do I feel its burning hit,
But do you know the feeling of
A fall into the darkest pit?

I do not know the perfume of a rose
Nor do I see its perfect form
But in the blow of morning wind
I feel the living heart of storm.

Do I regret I've not the joy,
Or that I am not sighted?
But at the end of all
You're are the one who's blighted.

(Still not sure about the last quatrain)
Original

The Monologue of a Misanthrope

I do not know the taste of love,
I do not know its shapeless touch,
I do not know the secret ways
One could love someone so much.

I do not know the taste of poison,
Nor do I feel its burning hit,
But do you know the feeling
Of bashing the bottom of a pit?

I do not know the perfume of a rose,
Nor do I see its shapeless form,
But in the blow of morning wind
I see the heart of storm.

Do I regret I’ve not the joy,
Or that I can’t be frightened?
But at the end of all,
I am the one who’s sighted.

[tectak]

Hello, everyone! I'm a new member of the forum. English is not my native language, and I don't have any experience with poetry written in English. In all my life I've read only two or three poems in English, but I do have a long practice of writing poetry in my own language. I came directly here to receive an objective feedback. Thank you in advance.
Hi zeevs and welcome. This is serious crit so nits will be picked:) First off, this line by line crit is only on technicalities. See end for overview. Here goes
The Monologue of a Misanthrope

I do not know the taste of love,
I do not know its shapeless touch,
I do not know the secret ways
One could love someone so much. You are in rhyming verse, ABCB. This is an emphatic scheme and needs persistance. You also go for octameter. Eight to the line......but your last line in this first verse is a beat short, so try " That I could love someone so much" OK so far. The repeated " I do not know" just works...it is a mantra, a chant and in an opening stanza helps establish the strong rhythm.

I do not know the taste of poison,Half beat too long. Try " I do not know the poison taste"
Nor do I feel its burning hit,
But do you know the feeling
Of bashing the bottom of a pit? There is no need to capitalise each line. It only makes for difficulties in smoothness. Again, though, you need to re-hash the last line as it stumbles along like logs falling down stairs. Read it out loud and you can feel the awkwardness. This time, the emphasies fall in the wrong place. Try
"but do you know the feeling of
a fall into the deepest pit?" or something. Your poem.:)
I do not know the perfume of a rose,Rhythm may be a lost cause:).
Nor do I see its shapeless form, You have used shapeless earlier. Try to find another word
But in the blow of morning wind Yes. This is solid and rhythmical
I see the heart of storm...but this line isn't. Only a suggestion. Last one.
"I feel the living heart of storm." Feel in the wind rather than see.

Do I regret I’ve not the joy,
Or that I can’t be frightened?
But at the end of all,
I am the one who’s sighted. This stanza needs and deserves a rewrite because it is so awful:) Sorry, but there I've said it. Serious crit.

This has a good deal going for it. The problem areas are in rhythm. I will get a good thrashing from my peers for suggesting this but have you thought about turning quatrains in to couplets. Longer lines give greater flexibility in rhythm corrections and will make your rhyme scheme A,A,B,B etc. I like long lines for this reason.
You would get


I do not know the taste of love, I do not know its shapeless touch;
I do not know the secret ways that one could love someone so much.

Hope this helps. This was still a great start. Well done. Serious crit.
Best,
tectak

[zeevs100]

Thank you for your suggestions. I will correct the mistakes.
But can you explain why the last stanza isn't good? Is it grammatically incorrect, or it does not create the effect it's supposed to?
I used shapeless on purpose. Does the repetition create a "rough" feel when reading the poem?

[tectak]

Thank you for your suggestions. I will correct the mistakes.
But can you explain why the last stanza isn't good? Is it grammatically incorrect, or it does not create the effect it's supposed to?
I used shapeless on purpose. Does the repetition create a "rough" feel when reading the poem?

Hi zeevs,
Duplicated words are permissable. In serious crit, though, they are looked upon as a failing Not seriously erroneous but worth pointing out. The stanza I took against is rhythmically all over the place but primarily this is due to the emphasies falling wrongly. Line three, though, is a whole beat short. If you use strong octameter it is noticeable when words need to be unnaturally pronounced to make them fit smoothly. Note...smoothly. They can be levered in to fit but do you want that? Strictly speaking, that word "frightened" is usually pronounced "fri-tend" but you require " Fri-ten-ed" to make it fit. Then there is the rhyme. Some don't care...some do; but if you establish a rhyme scheme then you do care. A bit of a shock, then, to see "frightened" rhymed with "sighted", "tend" with "ed". "Sighted" also seems desperately forced; because it is a word ending with "-ed" it shall be used. The meaning, though is unclear.
Nonetheless, I took to this piece......and I don't say that often these days.
Best,
tectak

[zeevs100]

Oh, I understand now. The thing is I pronounce frightened with a glottal stop, and in that case it rhymes with sighted.
I'll try to change it!
Thanks a lot, you've been very helpful!