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Is poetry a media for old,
crotchety, British men with two degrees?
Will someone break the punctuation mold?
The void of time controls retirees
as thumbs do twiddle in the Durham flats.
Grammatic errors nit and picked with care
by lonely men surrounded by their cats,
Without changing their brown stained underwear.
Or is it something more than meets the eye?
A language that expresses more than words.
A way to understand the reasons why
a mans condition differs from a bird's
My questions seem to never have an end.
Where will my soul rest? it all depends.
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(12-29-2012, 04:51 AM)aaron Wrote: Not for me ...but
Is poetry a media for old, this line is short by half a beat. "the old," works and avoids the enjambment...which doesn't
crotchety, British men with two degrees? As long as you say "crotch-etty"you are rockin'
Will someone break the punctuation mold?Good line
The void of time controls retirees
as thumbs do twiddle in the Durham flats. like thumbs that twiddle in the Durham flats.Just a suggestion because "as thumbs do twiddle..."is a tad awkward
Grammatic errors nit and picked with care
by lonely men surrounded by their cats, Yes. Good lines
Without changing their brown stained underwear. and never change their brown-stained underwear....,..but it's your sonnet, not mine
Or is it something more than meets the eye?
A language that expresses more than words.
A way to understand the reasons why
a mans condition differs from a bird's Very ,very fine four lines. Excellent work
My questions seem to never have an end.
Where will my soul rest? it all depends. a little infra-dig but if it's street then that's how it rocks, mother fucker
Best,
tectak
Posts: 31
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Joined: Dec 2012
ahhhh im soo happy to know we can say FUCK on here!
thanx for your critique teek. this was my first sonnet ever
oh and in my accent media is me-di-a, crotchety is crotch-ett-y. and can you explain to me what that last line you wrote means, aside from the mother fucker part i understood that.
Posts: 2,602
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Joined: Feb 2017
(12-29-2012, 07:42 AM)aaron Wrote: ahhhh im soo happy to know we can say FUCK on here!
thanx for your critique teek. this was my first sonnet ever
oh and in my accent media is me-di-a, crotchety is crotch-ett-y. and can you explain to me what that last line you wrote means, aside from the mother fucker part i understood that.
You can google infra dig, but for the rest you will need to ask a young person as I am 64.
Best,
tectak
By the way, you can say anything on this site.....just say it well.
Posts: 31
Threads: 14
Joined: Dec 2012
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great effort
(12-29-2012, 04:51 AM)aaron Wrote: Is poetry a media for old, no need of comma
crotchety, British men with two degrees? no need for comma
Will someone break the punctuation mold? going great so far.
The void of time controls retirees
as thumbs do twiddle in the Durham flats. needs the first part rewording so as to not feel archaic, or forced
Grammatic errors nit and picked with care nit and picked? would knit and picked work better?
by lonely men surrounded by their cats,
Without changing their brown stained underwear. the meter feels a bit awkward though leanne's the one for this, i'd suggest 'without a change of brown stained underwear
Or is it something more than meets the eye?
A language that expresses more than words.
A way to understand the reasons why
a mans condition differs from a bird's man's
My questions seem to never have an end.
Where will my soul rest? it all depends. the couplet feels forced and i haven't a clue what it means, specially the last line. 
what a great effort and yes we can use an odd expletive here
we can use lots of expletives in the sewer
there was so much to like in the poem and it really is a great effort. more so that it was you're first. i think the meter was a bit off in a couple of places but the thing was definitely a decent sonnet.
thanks for the read
