Dumped

[shotknot]

The howls of a dying cat,
masked by dirt and swarming dust.
The night; callous and lonesome.
Her stomach swelling, empty and full of sick.
She drags her paws through the rough cement.
Uncaring eyes lie on her piteous body.
Fur rustled up, flakes leaving un-followed trails.
Pulling through the aches,
burning infections profoundly distracting her from survival.
A domesticated soul cannot thrive in a feral cat’s world.
Thoughtless humans, letting her eyes close,
her heart speeds to an utter end.
Scraping her off the road,
rotted body melts into the gray, pebbled cement.
The tires; lifeless like a like a human’s heart.

[BennyBoy]

I like some of the morbid imagery.

[shotknot]

I like some of the morbid imagery.

Thank you for your comment. I was definitely going for a morbid tone so I'm glad you picked up on it, but any critiquing?

[BennyBoy]

Okay, um... how about you eliminate some of the adjectives, and concentrate on maybe just a few of the ideas and develop them more. Also having shorter lines would make it easier to build a rhythm methinks. Hope that helped!

Edit: I tried to edit your poem to demonstrate what I meant. See what you think:

The howls of a dying cat,
masked by swarming dust.
And the callous night.

Fur rustled up, flakes leaving trails,
her stomach swelling; full of sick.

Drags her paws through rough cement;
suffering through the aches, 
distracting from survival.
...
Her heart speeds to an utter stop.

Uncaring eyes look past her pain.
Thoughtless people ignore her end.

Scraping her off the road, 
body melts into hot cement,
lifeless like humanity's heart.

[shotknot]

Okay, um... how about you eliminate some of the adjectives, and concentrate on maybe just a few of the ideas and develop them more. Also having shorter lines would make it easier to build a rhythm methinks. Hope that helped!

Edit: I tried to edit your poem to demonstrate what I meant. See what you think:

The howls of a dying cat,
masked by swarming dust.
And the callous night.

Fur rustled up, flakes leaving trails,
her stomach swelling; full of sick.

Drags her paws through rough cement;
suffering through the aches, 
distracting from survival.
...
Her heart speeds to an utter stop.

Uncaring eyes look past her pain.
Thoughtless people ignore her end.

Scraping her off the road, 
body melts into hot cement,
lifeless like humanity's heart.

Thank you very much I'll definitely use your edited version of my poem as reference when re-writing!

[BennyBoy]

Thank you very much I'll definitely use your edited version of my poem as reference when re-writing!

I'm glad it was helpful!