Seasonal (sections)

[cidermaid]

Edit 5 Re-posted from pg 3.
Hi, Been working on the punctuation and the Luc Bat, but Leanne mentioned somthing about the sonic element / requirment, so posted up this edit before i go too far and discover i need a big re-think.

Have included line numbers for each stanza - thought this might make it easier for people to highlight individual words or ideas for critique.
Please don't worry if you think you don't understand about the requirments for the forms (that's Leanne's Job ) If you have a nit with anything let me know, i would appreciate your thoughts and help.

(In the final presentation the last three lines of the sestina will be centred and i will take it out of the table)


[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]-----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr][td]

(Luc Bat)

L1 March sighing for her love.
L2 Of late, urgent opportunist,
L3 Now loves’ unprejudiced,
L4 April, gained through pained mist.
L5 Bourgeoning subterfuge,
L6 Springs the heavy deluge.

L1 Ma leaves the safe refuge,
L2 rough and rude the buds are shaken!
L3 Taken. Lust awakened,
L4 June all too soon, overtaken.
L5 sowing a veil of tears.
L6 worn out by drought filled fears,

L1 July blue. High, dry, clear,
L2 subterranean streams. Smoothed clean,
L3 Slip-streamed by a moon beam.
L4 Ascending slender dreams of mist.
L5 the final fling revealed.
L6 pensive August appeals.

L1 September – cold. Congealed,
L2 bleeding beauty now takes the field,
L3 Stone ground. Compressed and sealed,
L4 October had to yield. Pierced lamb,
L5 Nest bound, swallow not yet
L6 Fully fledged, held in debt.

L1 November plays roulette.
L2 Focussed for the final dozen.
L3 The broken bridge. Orphan
L4 nature leaves December corban.
L5 Simple things mean so much,
L6 dependant on love’s touch.

L1 Januarys’ last crutch.
L2 The ever darkened countenance,
L3 Now searching, luminance;
L4 Re-born into pre-eminence.
L5 Grace growing, fitted glove.
L6. February’s white dove.

[/td]

[td]

(Haiku)

Timed out burst. Feet first.
budding swelling, breaking dam.
bright light, new day. Start.
start right, richly veined,
overflowing growing grass.
Soft breath nuzzling.

nuzzling, nipping.
Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes
may pierce, slipped, held deep.
Deep sleep, dappled shade,
Bugs biting, raindrops kissing.
fighting, free running,

running sweat, deep heat.
matron guarded siesta.
Refreshing dawn dew,
Due for a long drink.
Full fat gloaming, evening mist,
dark green gathering,

gathering clouds pile;
flanked deep, heaving gates aside.
hard tack ground to creep,
creep, cross over. Call
on the wing. Path flight, first thought.
restricted. Re-zoned,

Zoned in, colour cloned.
Leaching last connecting shades,
last step, door is closed.
Closed off, bagged bundle
Fast expanding awareness.
fruitful winter store.

Store shed, bellies full.
cracks plugged to mud and decay,
main stay, straw and hay.
Hay prepped, full mangers.
Frost, sun, wind, cloy sod clearing.
Emerging bud time,

[/td]

[td]

(Sestina)

Necrotic, then new born, now nurturing.
Weathering, the knowledge. The need growing.
A race to embrace life. Replenishing,
every cell, a laden nurse in waiting.
Re-charging, passing and sadly leaving.
The slender, tender touch of love resting.

Freshly planted. Rising, never resting,
behold the glazed nuance of nurturing.
Cleaving into clefts, dividing, leaving,
green and golden garlands, ever growing,
Soft voiced, the trees are whispering, waiting;
cloud baiting. Dewy brush replenishing.

Moisture seeking, roots for replenishing,
Hived bees in honeyed ease, nesting, resting,
dropping nectar. Wind wise in the waiting.
The blushing dog rose, hip scored, nurturing,
twining through the vines. Rapidly, growing
falling curtain. Serrated swords, leaving,

gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving,
Succour-less cells, now non-replenishing.
the worm feed swelling, forever growing.
the turning sod aside, belly up, resting.
A fatal kiss amid the nurturing.
abandoned, alone. The pointless waiting.

Browned off and so very tired of waiting.
the upper tiers are hastily leaving.
Paid up, cashed in net. Gained from nurturing
held by a silent chord, replenishing
The melodic thud, harmonics resting,
Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing.

The winter wolf is growling and growing.
dependant on the benefice. Waiting.
Upon which, the babe will soon be resting.
The much vaunted harvest, southward leaving.
Blowing the final blast, replenishing,
awakening, loves’ natural nurturing.

Resting on the breast of growing love.
Held in the nurturing and ever waiting arms,
once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.

[/td]

[/tr]
[/table]

- Original post -
Ok I probably need to explain what I'm about here.
I have an experimental project I'm working on, that might (or might not) be a cleave poem. You can find the original thread in the Haiku section.

I've come to the point where I would like some critique and to start the editing process...Reguardless of what is considered correct for cleave poetry or not, I'm of the opinion that each individual poem should be correct to form and stand in it's own right. So I decided to present them individually first in the mild section, (before we decide there is anything worth putting up for serious critique!). This is the first of three seperate poems that combined make up a fouth poem. I'm more than happy for any level of critique but obviously the changes will need to work with the final combined effort.
Whilst working on this my biggest question been the punctuation. Do I make this correct for the combined poem?...because I don't think I'm clever enough to make the individual poems correct and then have the combined poem flow unchanged.
(There are a few changes made to this edit from the original as posted in the Haiku thread, but for the purposes of this post i'm looking to find out if this poem works or not).

The Luc bat element. of SEASONAL

March sighing for her love.
Of late, urgent opportunist,
now loves’ unprejudiced,
April, gained through pained mist. Full of
bourgeoning subterfuge,
springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,
May leaves the safe refuge,
rough and rude the buds are shaken!
Taken. Lust awakened.
June all too soon, overtaken,
sowing a veil of tears.
Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.
July blue, high, dry, clear,
subterranean streams,
slip-streamed by a moon beam.
Ascending slender dreams of mist,
the final fling revealed.
Pensive August appeals. Concealed,
September – reluctant. Congealed,
bleeding beauty now takes the field,
a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,
October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,
a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet
fully fledged, held in debt.
November plays roulette. Focussed
for the final dozen.
The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan
leaves December corban.
The simple things that mean so much,
dependant on love’s touch.
January will need a crutch.
With darkened countenance,
now searching luminance; best guess,
found in pre-eminence.
the growing grace, a fitted glove.
February’s white dove.

[Jae Mc Donnell]

Hi cidermaid, I had a good read of this, I must say it is a great job. I loved it, and all seems good to me as far as punctuation, but I could very well be wrong

The Luc bat element. of SEASONAL

March sighing for her love.
Of late, urgent opportunist, Great start
now loves’ unprejudiced,
April, gained through pained mist. Full of
bourgeoning subterfuge, This line is great, it seems as if the spring is ploting something, or has been up to mischief
springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,
May leaves the safe refuge,
rough and rude the buds are shaken!
Taken. Lust awakened. I love this small part. What a great way to explain the action
June all too soon, overtaken,
sowing a veil of tears.
Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.
July blue, high, dry, clear,
subterranean streams,
slip-streamed by a moon beam.
Ascending slender dreams of mist,
the final fling revealed. I think what you where going for here, is how summer seems to come and go so fast, and then it's August"
Pensive August appeals. Concealed,
September – reluctant. Congealed,
bleeding beauty now takes the field, Beautiful image of red sky
a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,
October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,
a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet
fully fledged, held in debt.
November plays roulette. Focussed
for the final dozen.
The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan leaves December corban.
The simple things that mean so much,
dependant on love’s touch.
January will need a crutch.
With darkened countenance,
now searching luminance; best guess,
found in pre-eminence.
the growing grace, a fitted glove. February’s white dove. What a lovely end to a great read "and hope comes again". Great job well done.

[cidermaid]

Thanks for the kind comments Jae.

[billy]

after doing some research, a cleave is two or more poem that can each be read separately or as one. i've yet to see tow of three separate forms that read separately or as one. so this bugger could be a first

i'd say make it correct for the combined poem have you thought about leaving a space between each poem? i'll try and create an example of what i mean. i'll be back

Ok I probably need to explain what I'm about here.
I have an experimental project I'm working on, that might (or might not) be a cleave poem. You can find the original thread in the Haiku section.

I've come to the point where I would like some critique and to start the editing process...Reguardless of what is considered correct for cleave poetry or not, I'm of the opinion that each individual poem should be correct to form and stand in it's own right. So I decided to present them individually first in the mild section, (before we decide there is anything worth putting up for serious critique!). This is the first of three seperate poems that combined make up a fouth poem. I'm more than happy for any level of critique but obviously the changes will need to work with the final combined effort.
Whilst working on this my biggest question been the punctuation. Do I make this correct for the combined poem?...because I don't think I'm clever enough to make the individual poems correct and then have the combined poem flow unchanged.
(There are a few changes made to this edit from the original as posted in the Haiku thread, but for the purposes of this post i'm looking to find out if this poem works or not).

The Luc bat element. of SEASONAL

March sighing for her love.
Of late, urgent opportunist,
now loves’ unprejudiced,
April, gained through pained mist. Full of
bourgeoning subterfuge,
springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,
May leaves the safe refuge,
rough and rude the buds are shaken!
Taken. Lust awakened.
June all too soon, overtaken,
sowing a veil of tears.
Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.
July blue, high, dry, clear,
subterranean streams,
slip-streamed by a moon beam.
Ascending slender dreams of mist,
the final fling revealed.
Pensive August appeals. Concealed,
September – reluctant. Congealed,
bleeding beauty now takes the field,
a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,
October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,
a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet
fully fledged, held in debt.
November plays roulette. Focussed
for the final dozen.
The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan
leaves December corban.
The simple things that mean so much,
dependant on love’s touch.
January will need a crutch.
With darkened countenance,
now searching luminance; best guess,
found in pre-eminence.
the growing grace, a fitted glove.
February’s white dove.

[billy]

back again AJ, i was trying tp sort a table out for you that may be of help. if not it's fine. the idea is it may help you lay out the poem in a different way. just click on edit to see how it works will give some feedback tomorrow.

[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------------[/td][td]---------------------------------------------------[/td][td]---------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

1st title or leave blank

[/td]
[td]

2nd title or leave blank

[/td]
[td]

3rd title or leave blank

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

March sighing for her love.

[/td]
[td]

2nd line here

[/td]
[td]

3rd line here

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

Of late, urgent opportunist,

[/td]
[td]

2nd line here

[/td]
[td]

3rd line here

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]now loves’ unprejudiced,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]April, gained through pained mist. Full of[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]bourgeoning subterfuge,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]May leaves the safe refuge,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]rough and rude the buds are shaken![/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Taken. Lust awakened.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]June all too soon, overtaken,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]sowing a veil of tears.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]July blue, high, dry, clear,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]subterranean streams,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]slip-streamed by a moon beam.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Ascending slender dreams of mist,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]the final fling revealed.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Pensive August appeals. Concealed,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]September – reluctant. Congealed,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]bleeding beauty now takes the field,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]fully fledged, held in debt.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]November plays roulette. Focussed[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]for the final dozen.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]leaves December corban.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]The simple things that mean so much,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]dependant on love’s touch.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]January will need a crutch.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]With darkened countenance,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]now searching luminance; best guess,[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]found in pre-eminence.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]the growing grace, a fitted glove.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]February’s white dove.[/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[/table]

[cidermaid]

back again AJ, i was trying tp sort a table out for you that may be of help. if not it's fine. the idea is it may help you lay out the poem in a different way. just click on edit to see how it works will give some feedback tomorrow.

[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------------[/td][td]---------------------------------------------------[/td][td]---------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

1st title or leave blank

[/td]
[td]

2nd title or leave blank

[/td]
[td]

3rd title or leave blank

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

March sighing for her love.

[/td]
[td]

Timed out burst. Feet first

[/td]
[td]

From new born to necrotic, nurturing.

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]

Of late, urgent opportunist,

[/td]
[td]

budding swelling, breaking dam.

[/td]
[td]

Weathering, the pains that are growing.

[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]now loves’ unprejudiced,[/td]
[td]bright light, new day. Start. [/td]
[td]The clock is ticking on life, replenishing[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]April, gained through pained mist. Full of[/td]
[td]Start right, richly veined[/td]
[td]every cell, a laden nurse in waiting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]bourgeoning subterfuge,[/td]
[td]overflowing growing grass. [/td]
[td]Ever changing, outreaching, yet never leaving. [/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,[/td]
[td]Soft breath nuzzling[/td]
[td]The slender, tender touch of love resting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]May leaves the safe refuge,[/td]
[td]nuzzling, nipping. [/td]
[td]Freshly planted, sap rising, not resting,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]rough and rude the buds are shaken![/td]
[td]Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes [/td]
[td]behold the glazed nuance of nurturing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Taken. Lust awakened.[/td]
[td]may pierce, slipped, held deep[/td]
[td]Cleaving into clefts, dividing and leaving,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]June all too soon, overtaken,[/td]
[td]Deep sleep, dappled shade[/td]
[td]green and golden garlands growing,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]sowing a veil of tears.[/td]
[td]Bugs biting, raindrops kissing. [/td]
[td]Soft voiced trees, whispering, waiting;[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.[/td]
[td]Play fighting, free running, [/td]
[td]cloud baiting. Dewy caress replenishing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]July blue, high, dry, clear,[/td]
[td]running sweat, deep heat[/td]
[td]Moisture reaching roots replenishing,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]subterranean streams,[/td]
[td]matron guarded siesta. [/td]
[td]The hived bees in honeyed ease, resting, [/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]slip-streamed by a moon beam.[/td]
[td]Refreshing dawn dew[/td]
[td]dropping nectar. The knowing in the waiting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Ascending slender dreams of mist,[/td]
[td]Due for a long drink[/td]
[td]The blushing dog rose nurturing,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]the final fling revealed.[/td]
[td]Full fat gloaming, evening mist[/td]
[td]twining through the vines, growing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]Pensive August appeals. Concealed,[/td]
[td]Dark green gathering[/td]
[td]falling curtain of swords cleaving, leaving,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]September – reluctant. Congealed,[/td]
[td]gathering clouds pile[/td]
[td]gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]bleeding beauty now takes the field,[/td]
[td]flanked deep, heaving gates aside[/td]
[td]All moisture withdrawn, non-replenishing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,[/td]
[td]hard tack ground to creep[/td]
[td]worm feed swelling, forever growing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,[/td]
[td]creep, cross over. Call [/td]
[td]a turning clod aside, belly up, resting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet[/td]
[td]on the wing. Path flight, first thought. [/td]
[td]A fatal kiss amid the nurturing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]fully fledged, held in debt.[/td]
[td]Restricted. Re-zoned,[/td]
[td]The pointless waiting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]November plays roulette. Focussed[/td]
[td]Zoned in, colour cloned. [/td]
[td]Browned off, so very tired of waiting[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]for the final dozen.[/td]
[td]Leaching last connecting shades, [/td]
[td]the upper floor players are leaving.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan[/td]
[td]last step, door is closed.[/td]
[td]Fully paid up, net gain in the nurturing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]leaves December corban.[/td]
[td]Closed off, bagged bundle.[/td]
[td]A silver thread among the thorns, replenishing[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]The simple things that mean so much,[/td]
[td]Fast expanding awareness. [/td]
[td]A silver dagger for a tongue, resting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]dependant on love’s touch.[/td]
[td]Fruitful winter store. [/td]
[td]Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]January will need a crutch.[/td]
[td]Store shed, bellies full. [/td]
[td]The winter wolf is growling and growing. [/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]With darkened countenance,[/td]
[td]Cracks plugged to mud and decay, [/td]
[td]The winter wolf is growling and growing. [/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]now searching luminance; best guess,[/td]
[td]Main stay, straw and hat.[/td]
[td]Upon which, the babe will soon be resting.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]found in pre-eminence.[/td]
[td]Hay prepped, full mangers.[/td]
[td]Much vaunted harvest, southward leaving,[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]the growing grace, a fitted glove.[/td]
[td]Cloy clods, frost, sun, wind clearing [/td]
[td]and leading the grey away, replenishing[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td]February’s white dove.[/td]
[td]Emerging bud time, [/td]
[td]awakening first loves’ natural nurturing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td]Resting on the breast of growing love[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td]held in the nurturing and ever waiting arm[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td][/td]
[td][/td]
[td]once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]
[td] [/td]
[td] [/td]
[td] [/td]
[/tr]
[/table]

Hi Billy,
Thanks for putting up the table for me. Appreciate your time.
hope you had a great meal (I'm sure it was) and a equally great new years eve.

---

Hmm...I need to go back through the above and re-sort the punctuation. Looks like some of it got deleted when cut n pasting. Sorry not got time now...need to prep nibbly bits for tonight. (Shame tho...fresh out of flying pork...too much port marinade...going to have to try pigs in blankets instead. )

[billy]

yeah we enjoyed it thanks, i love pigs in blankets

at present setting it out looks harder than it's worth. let me see if i can make it any easier.

[billy]

hi AJ, i had a play about with the format to make it easy to load up and this sis what i got. it looks like your missing a line on the right. once it's done i'll help you line it all up if you need it. hope it makes what your trying to do a bit easier (and i won't be offended if you advise me to piss off

[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]-----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr]

[td]

March sighing for her love.
Of late, urgent opportunist,
now loves’ unprejudiced,
April, gained through pained mist. Full of
bourgeoning subterfuge,
springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,
May leaves the safe refuge,
rough and rude the buds are shaken!
Taken. Lust awakened.
June all too soon, overtaken,
sowing a veil of tears.
Worn out by drought filled fears, played out.
July blue, high, dry, clear,
subterranean streams,
slip-streamed by a moon beam.
Ascending slender dreams of mist,
the final fling revealed.
Pensive August appeals. Concealed,
September – reluctant. Congealed,
bleeding beauty now takes the field,
a fate caressed and sealed. Stone-ground,
October refused to yield. Pierced lamb,
a nest bound swallow. Last, not yet
fully fledged, held in debt.
November plays roulette. Focussed
for the final dozen.
The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan
leaves December corban.
The simple things that mean so much,
dependant on love’s touch.
January will need a crutch.
With darkened countenance,
now searching luminance; best guess,
found in pre-eminence.
the growing grace, a fitted glove.
February’s white dove.

[/td]

[td]

title here

Timed out burst. Feet first
budding swelling, breaking dam.
bright light, new day. Start.
Start right, richly veined
overflowing growing grass.
Soft breath nuzzling
nuzzling, nipping.
Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes
may pierce, slipped, held deep
Deep sleep, dappled shade
Bugs biting, raindrops kissing.
Play fighting, free running,
running sweat, deep heat
matron guarded siesta.
Refreshing dawn dew
Due for a long drink
Full fat gloaming, evening mist
Dark green gathering
gathering clouds pile
flanked deep, heaving gates aside
hard tack ground to creep
creep, cross over. Call
on the wing. Path flight, first thought.
Restricted. Re-zoned,
Zoned in, colour cloned.
Leaching last connecting shades,
last step, door is closed.
Closed off, bagged bundle.
Fast expanding awareness.
Fruitful winter store.
Store shed, bellies full.
Cracks plugged to mud and decay,
Main stay, straw and hat.
Hay prepped, full mangers.
Cloy clods, frost, sun, wind clearing
Emerging bud time,
Resting on the breast of growing love
held in the nurturing and ever waiting arm
once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.

[/td]

[td]

From new born to necrotic, nurturing.
Weathering, the pains that are growing.
The clock is ticking on life, replenishing
every cell, a laden nurse in waiting.
Ever changing, outreaching, yet never leaving.
The slender, tender touch of love resting.
Freshly planted, sap rising, not resting,
behold the glazed nuance of nurturing.
Cleaving into clefts, dividing and leaving,
green and golden garlands growing,
Soft voiced trees, whispering, waiting;
cloud baiting. Dewy caress replenishing.
Moisture reaching roots replenishing,
The hived bees in honeyed ease, resting,
dropping nectar. The knowing in the waiting.
The blushing dog rose nurturing,
twining through the vines, growing.
falling curtain of swords cleaving, leaving,
gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving,
All moisture withdrawn, non-replenishing.
worm feed swelling, forever growing.
a turning clod aside, belly up, resting.
A fatal kiss amid the nurturing.
The pointless waiting.
Browned off, so very tired of waiting
the upper floor players are leaving.
Fully paid up, net gain in the nurturing.
A silver thread among the thorns, replenishing
A silver dagger for a tongue, resting.
Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing.
The winter wolf is growling and growing.
Upon which, the babe will soon be resting.
Much vaunted harvest, southward leaving,
and leading the grey away, replenishing
awakening first loves’ natural nurturing

[/td]

[/tr]
[/table]

[cidermaid]

First of all....Please don't piss off ...I need all the help I can get with this and it seams to have generated a stunned silence from nearly everyone else. (Can't say I blame them...I don't know what possessed me to even start this).
(I'm in serious need of Leanne’s' help with the Sestina when she comes back...I think it is all over the place).

Ok.
After the problem of the punctuation, how to set it out has been my second biggest stress.
The Luc bat can be taken as one continuous flow.
The Haiku are best set out as three line stanza and the Sestina is set out as six line stanza (with a three line conclusion...the last three lines moved to the centre align haiku section, actually belong to the Sestina section...will move them back again...I know it doesn't look so neat for now, but will confuse things for the purposes of editing if I don't).

When I posted the first full edit in the Haiku thread I had it set out in three line stanza with a double space after the second stanza (to help the read of the sestina) repeated through to the end ( and I had the last three sestina lines centred as when read as a whole they would flow from the last sestina line naturally).

I am wondering if for the sake of editing I should continue with presenting the individual poems for assessment as I still think that it is a bit daunting for people to be asked to tackle this as a whole unit. I like the presentation in the table it does clarify the intent of the poem for the editing process and will be of great help when adjusting the punctuation. But for now I'm going to ask people to just focus and give feed back on the Luc Bat section.
Do you think I should keep this all together as one massive thread as I work on this..Or should I post the different section each in a new thread? (Was planning to re-post your table with each section though).
Sorry, too many question I know.

I can see now that there is a line missing towards the end of the sestina, got to go feed horses and take mother shopping ....Lucky me! Will get to it later today.

[billy]

here's what i came up with

i broke the luck bat into 6 line stanza which is okay because the because the peculiar rhyme scheme will still work. i made it so you have a double haiku till the end and finish on a final one. the sestina can't be messed about with. i can't get the mybb tables to function without adding code to the forum which i'm prone not to attempt. it could be done in html but again i'm prone to use it.

i'd get the luck bat done in one thread. when it's sorted i'd do the double haku, when that done i'd do the sestina. when thats done i'd place it in the table provide. a lot of hard work i know or you could just stick it up in one go for posterity


[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]-----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr][td]

title here

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat
luc bat

[/td]

[td]

title here

Haiku1
Haiku1
Haiku1
Haiku2
Haiku2
Haiku2

Haiku3
Haiku3
Haiku3
Haiku4
Haiku4
Haiku4

Haiku5
Haiku5
Haiku5
Haiku6
Haiku6
Haiku6

Haiku7
Haiku7
Haiku7
Haiku8
Haiku8
Haiku8

Haiku9
Haiku9
Haiku9
Haiku10
Haiku10
Haiku10

Haiku11
Haiku11
Haiku11
Haiku12
Haiku12
Haiku12

Haiku13
Haiku13
Haiku13

[/td]

[td]

title here

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina
sestina

sestina
sestina
sestina

[/td]

[/tr]
[/table]

[cidermaid]

here's what i came up with

i broke the luck bat into 6 line stanza which is okay because the because the peculiar rhyme scheme will still work. i made it so you have a double haiku till the end and finish on a final one. the sestina can't be messed about with. i can't get the mybb tables to function without adding code to the forum which i'm prone not to attempt. it could be done in html but again i'm prone to use it.

i'd get the luck bat done in one thread. when it's sorted i'd do the double haku, when that done i'd do the sestina. when thats done i'd place it in the table provide. a lot of hard work i know or you could just stick it up in one go for posterity


[table]
[tr]
[td]---------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[td]-----------------------------------------------------[/td]
[/tr]
[tr][td]

title here

March sighing for her love.
Of late, urgent opportunist,
now loves’ unprejudiced,
April, gained through pained mist.
Bourgeoning subterfuge,
Springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed,

May leaves the safe refuge,
rough and rude the buds are shaken!
Taken. Lust awakened
June all too soon, overtaken.
sowing a veil of tears.
worn out by drought filled fears, played out.

July blue, high, dry, clear,
subterranean streams. Smoothed clean,
Slip-streamed by a moon beam.
Ascending slender dreams of mist.
the final fling revealed.
Pensive August appeals.

September – reluctant. Congealed,
bleeding beauty now takes the field,
stone ground. Compressed and sealed,
October chose to yield. Pierced lamb,
A nest bound, last swallow not yet
Fully fledged, held in debt.

November plays roulette. Focussed
for the final dozen.
The broken bridge. Orphan, sylvan
Leaves December corban.
The simple things that mean so much,
dependant on love’s touch.

January will need a crutch.
With darkened countenance,
Now searching, luminance; best guess,
found in pre-eminence.
the growing grace, a fitted glove.
February’s white dove.

[/td]
[td]

title here
Timed out burst. Feet first.
budding swelling, breaking dam.
bright light, new day. Start.
Start right, richly veined,
overflowing growing grass.
Soft breath nuzzling.

nuzzling, nipping.
Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes
may pierce, slipped, held deep.
Deep sleep, dappled shade,
Bugs biting, raindrops kissing.
Play fighting, free running,

running sweat, deep heat.
matron guarded siesta.
Refreshing dawn dew,
Due for a long drink.
Full fat gloaming, evening mist,
dark green gathering.

Gathering clouds pile;
flanked deep, heaving gates aside.
Hard tack ground to creep,
creep, cross over. Call
on the wing. Path flight, first thought.
Restricted. Re-zoned,

Zoned in, colour cloned.
Leaching last connecting shades,
last step, door is closed.
Closed off, bagged bundle.
Fast expanding awareness.
Fruitful winter store.

Store shed, bellies full.
Cracks plugged to mud and decay,
Main stay, straw and hay.
Hay prepped, full mangers.
Cloy clods, frost, sun, wind clearing
Emerging bud time,

[/td]


[td]

title here


From new born to necrotic, nurturing.
Weathering, the pains that are growing.
The clock is ticking on life, replenishing
every cell, a laden nurse in waiting.
Ever changing, outreaching, yet never leaving
The slender, tender touch of love resting.

Freshly planted, sap rising, not resting,
behold the glazed nuance of nurturing.
Cleaving into clefts, dividing and leaving,
green and golden garlands growing,
Soft voiced trees, whispering, waiting;
cloud baiting. Dewy caress replenishing.

Moisture reaching roots replenishing,
The hived bees in honeyed ease, resting,
dropping nectar. The knowing in the waiting.
The blushing dog rose nurturing,
twining through the vines, growing.
Falling curtain of swords cleaving, leaving,

gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving,
All moisture withdrawn, non-replenishing.
worm feed swelling, forever growing.
a turning clod aside, belly up, resting.
A fatal kiss amid the nurturing.
abandoned, alone. The pointless waiting.

Browned off, so very tired of waiting
the upper floor players are leaving.
Fully paid up, net gain in the nurturing.
A silver thread among the thorns, replenishing
A silver dagger for a tongue, resting,
Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing.

The winter wolf is growling and growing.
dependant on the benefice whilst waiting.
Upon which, the babe will soon be resting.
Much vaunted harvest, southward leaving,
and leading the grey away, replenishing
awakening first loves’ natural nurturing.

Resting on the breast of growing love.
Held in the nurturing and ever waiting arms,
once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.

[/td]

[/tr]
[/table]

Thanks for doing yet another table for me Billy.
As you can see I've slung it all in (+ a couple of edits as I went).
Going to have a think about what to do with this overnight.
Might walk away from it or as suggested place the individuals into the forum for seperate editing.
AJ.

[billy]

i'll have a read of it and line everything up from the top later. i need three good meals in me to tackle this one i did a un through the haiku and i like the carry on between each one. the end rhymes seem okay in the sestina. i couldn't find august in the luc bat. like i say i'll leave some feedback as to content later

[cidermaid]

Done a fairly major re-work. I've set it out yet another way to see if this is any easier to follow the path of the different poems / forms. (Just for editing process only will not be set out like this in final presentation)

Some brief notes to work out what the hell is going on here:-
The numbers in brackets are what I make the syllable counts to be.
Will put some colour stresses on the Luc bat rhymes and underline ends for sestina

A) = Luc bat should be an alternating count of 6 /8. With the rhyme scheme being on the 8th, 6th, 6th syllable count repeating. (But this did not compute,...so I might have improvised a bit ). Also first rhymes are connected with last two.
B) = the haiku / senyru form with a 5/7/5 syllble count throughout.
C) = The sestina with repeating pattern of 6 end words and a regular line count ( i chose 10).
If you have the staying power please check my counting as in a couple of places I had reservations as to if my count was correct.
Also would be greatful for any feed back concerning if this is just too long and tedious for words.


Stanza 1.
L1.
A) March sighing for her love. (6)
B) Timed out burst. Feet first. (5)
C) necrotic, then new born, now nurturing. (10)

L2.
A) Of late, urgent opportunist, (8)
B) budding swelling, breaking dam. (7)
C) Weathering, the knowledge. The need growing. (10)

L3.
A) Now loves’ unprejudiced, (6)
B) bright light, new day. Start. (5)
C) A race to embrace life. Replenishing, (10)

L4.
A) April, gained through pained mist. Burning, (8).
B). start right, richly veined, (5)
C) every cell, a laden nurse in waiting. (10)

L5.
A) Bourgeoning subterfuge, (6)
B) overflowing growing grass. (7)
C) re-charging, passing and sadly leaving. (10)

L6.
A) Springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed, (8)
B) Soft breath nuzzling. (5) ( 2 or 3 syllables in nuzzling?)
C) The slender, tender touch of love resting. (10)

Stanza 2.
L1
A) May leaves the safe refuge, (6)
B) nuzzling, nipping. (5)
C) Freshly planted, rising, never resting, (10)

L2
A) rough and rude the buds are shaken! (8)
B) Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes (7)
C) behold the glazed nuance of nurturing. (10)

L3
A) Taken. Lust awakened, (6)
B) may pierce, slipped, held deep. (5)
C) Cleaving into clefts, dividing, leaving, (10)

L4.
A) June all too soon, overtaken. (8) ...thinking the rhyme should be on the 6th syllable.
B) Deep sleep, dappled shade, (5)
C) green and golden garlands, creeping, growing, (10)

L5.
A) sowing a veil of tears. (6)
B) Bugs biting, raindrops kissing. (7)
C). Soft voiced, the trees are whispering, waiting; (10)

L6.
A) worn out by drought filled fears, scolding (8)
B) fighting, free running, (5)
C) cloud baiting. Dewy brush replenishing. (10)


Stanza 3.
L1.
A). July blue. High, dry, clear, (6)
B) running sweat, deep heat. (5)
C) Moisture seeking, roots for replenishing, (10)

L2.
A) subterranean streams. Smoothed clean, (8)
B) matron guarded siesta. (7)
C) Hived bees in honeyed ease, nesting, resting, (10)

L3.
A) Slip-streamed by a moon beam. (6)
B) Refreshing dawn dew, (5)
C) dropping nectar. Wind wise in the waiting. (10)

L4.
A) Ascending slender dreams of mist. (8)
B) Due for a long drink. (5)
C) The blushing dog rose, hip scored, nurturing, (10)

L5.
A) the final fling revealed. (6)
B) Full fat gloaming, evening mist, (7)
C) twining through the vines. Rapidly growing (10)

L6.
A) pensive August appeals. A slaked (8)
B) dark green gathering, (5)
C) falling curtain. Serrated swords, leaving, (10)


Stanza 4.
L1.
A) September – cold. Congealed, (6)
B) Gathering clouds pile; (5)
C) gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving, (10)

L2.
A) bleeding beauty now takes the field, (8)
B) flanked deep, heaving gates aside. (7)
C) Succour-less cells, now non-replenishing. (10)

L3.
A) stone ground. Compressed and sealed, (6)
B) Hard tack ground to creep, (5)
C) the worm feed swelling, forever growing. (10)

L4
A) October had to yield. Pierced lamb, (8)
B) creep, cross over. Call (5)
C) the turning sod aside, belly up, resting. (10)

L5.
A) Nest bound, swallow not yet (6)
B) on the wing. Path flight, first thought. (7)
C) A fatal kiss amid the nurturing. (10)

L6.
A) Fully fledged, held in debt. Grounded, (8)
B) restricted. Re-zoned, (5)
C) abandoned, alone. The pointless waiting. (10)


Stanza 5.
L1.
A) November plays roulette. (6)
B) Zoned in, colour cloned. (5)
C) Browned off and so very tired of waiting. (10)

L2.
A) Focussed for the final dozen. (8)
B) Leaching last connecting shades, (7)
C) the upper tiers are hastily leaving. (10)

L3.
A) The broken bridge. Orphan (6)
B) last step, door is closed. (5)
C) Paid up, cashed in net. Gained from nurturing (10)

L4.
A) nature leaves December corban. (8)
B) Closed off, bagged bundle (5)
C) held by a silent chord, replenishing (10)

L5.
A) Simple things mean so much, (6)
B) Fast expanding awareness. (7)
C) The melodic thud, harmonics resting, (10)

L6.
A) dependant on love’s touch. Leaned on, (8)
B) Fruitful winter store. (5)
C) Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing. (10)


Stanza 6
L1.
A) Januarys’ last crutch. (6)
B) Store shed, bellies full. (5)
C) The winter wolf is growling and growing. (10)

L2
A) The ever darkened countenance, (8)
B) Cracks plugged to mud and decay, (7)
C) dependant on the benefice - waiting. (10)

L3
A) Now searching, luminance; (6)
B) Main stay, straw and hay. (5).
C) Upon which, the babe will soon be resting. (10)

L4.
A) Re-born into pre-eminence. (8)
B) Hay prepped, full mangers. (5)
C) The much vaunted harvest, southward leaving, (10)

L5.
A) Grace growing, fitted glove. (6)
B) Frost, sun, wind, cloy sod clearing. (7)
C) Blowing the final blast, replenishing, (10)

L6.
A) February’s white dove. Called out (8)
B) Emerging bud time, (5).
C) awakening, loves’ natural nurturing. (10)

C7 Resting on the breast of growing love.
C8 Held in the nurturing and ever waiting arms,
C9 once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.

[billy]

i'm struggling to see the rhymes in the luc bat aj. the sestina seems okay so far. though i am presuming it's accentual verse with ten syls. i'll put it in a frame for you later. and yeah, of course it's worth doing

Done a fairly major re-work. I've set it out yet another way to see if this is any easier to follow the path of the different poems / forms.
Some brief note to work out what the hell is going on here:-
The numbers in brackets are what I make the syllable counts to be.

A) = Luc bat should be an alternating count of 6 /8. With the rhyme scheme being on the 8th, 6th, 6th syllable count repeating.
B) = the haiku / senyru form with a 5/7/5 syllble count throughout.
C) = The sestina with repeating pattern of 6 end words and a regular line count ( i chose 10).
If you have the staying power please check my counting as in a couple of places I had reservations as to if my count was correct.
Also would be greatful for any feed back concerning if this is just too long and tedious for words or if there is any merrit in this at all.


Stanza 1.
L1.
A) March sighing for her love. (6)
B) Timed out burst. Feet first. (5)
C) necrotic, then new born, now nurturing. (10)

L2.
A) Of late, urgent opportunist, (8)
B) budding swelling, breaking dam. (7)
C) Weathering, the knowledge. The need growing. (10)

L3.
A) Now loves’ unprejudiced, (6)
B) bright light, new day. Start. (5)
C) A race to embrace life. Replenishing, (10)

L4.
A) April, gained through pained mist. Burning, (8).
B). start right, richly veined, (5)
C) every cell, a laden nurse in waiting. (10)

L4.
A) April, gained through pained mist. Burning, (8). this is a repeated three lines.
B). start right, richly veined, (5)
C) every cell, a laden nurse in waiting. (10)


L5.
A) Bourgeoning subterfuge, (6)
B) overflowing growing grass. (7)
C) re-charging, passing and sadly leaving. (10)

L6.
A) Springs the heavy deluge. Doe eyed, (8)
B) Soft breath nuzzling. (5) ( 2 or 3 syllables in nuzzling?)
C) The slender, tender touch of love resting. (10)

Stanza 2.
L1
A) May leaves the safe refuge, (6)
B) nuzzling, nipping. (5)
C) Freshly planted, rising, never resting, (10)

L2
A) rough and rude the buds are shaken! (8)
B) Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes (7)
C) behold the glazed nuance of nurturing. (10)

L3
A) Taken. Lust awakened, (6)
B) may pierce, slipped, held deep. (5)
C) Cleaving into clefts, dividing, leaving, (10)

L4.
A) June all too soon, overtaken. (8)
B) Deep sleep, dappled shade, (5)
C) green and golden garlands growing, (8) working on this stilll

L5.
A) sowing a veil of tears. (6)
B) Bugs biting, raindrops kissing. (7)
C). Soft voiced, the trees are whispering, waiting; (10)

L6.
A) worn out by drought filled fears, scolding (8)
B) fighting, free running, (5)
C) cloud baiting. Dewy brush replenishing. (10)



Ok worn out...will post the rest tommorow.

[cidermaid]

[quote='billy' pid='110194' dateline='1357437431']
i'm struggling to see the rhymes in the luc bat aj. the sestina seems okay so far. though i am presuming it's accentual verse with ten syls. i'll put it in a frame for you later. and yeah, of course it's worth doing

See what i've done in post above.
Does this improve the vissiblity of rhyme scheme at all. (Think the Luc Bat rhyme stress is now off in a couple of places...had to do a major re-work on the sestina as line count was completly off.... which then threw the Luc bat meaning and when I re-worked this, I lost track of the alternating syllable count on this as well.... Is mostly beaten back into place but slightly lost path of meaning in the process. Bugger !

[billy]

i think it's looking good so far except i'm still struggling with the luc bat
here's what i found about it's rhyme scheme;


The grand untarnished sea6 -
How glorious for me6 and you8
To wander as we do6
Along its beach and through6 the tide!8
How can I harbor pride6
Now walking here beside6 the shore?8
Can you, my love, ignore6
The sigh, forevermore6 to dwell
Within our glassy shell?
The gleaming stars, which fell to earth -
What was their glory worth
Beside the gentle birth of life?
What need have we for strife?
The two of us, dear wife, are free!

[cidermaid]

Hey Billy,
Yeah I'm struggling with my Luc Bat.
The sites for info on the rhyme scheme get me somewhat confused...most of them seam to be saying it should be an alternating syllable count of 6 /8. With the rhyme scheme being on the 8th, 6th, 6th syllable count repeating. (The first line to be joined / rhymed with the last two lines).
Couldn't get it sorted, I decided I would wait until Leanne is back!

Did you view the highlighted post about three posts above? Did this help? As soon as I'm working on it again I will probably re-use your table you set up for me (thanks for that )

[billy]

yeah i saw it, the problem is that some of these forms are so intricate. i'm getting that every 6th and 8th syl are part of the rhyme scheme as opposed to an alternating 6, 8 syl. which means the 8 syl line has two words at work in the rhyme scheme. no problem with the table, let me know if you need any help with it.


The grand untarnished sea6 -
How glorious for me6 and you8
To wander as we do6
Along its beach and through6 the tide!8
How can I harbor pride6
Now walking here beside6 the shore?8
Can you, my love, ignore6
The sigh, forevermore6 to dwell
Within our glassy shell?
The gleaming stars, which fell to earth -
What was their glory worth
Beside the gentle birth of life?
What need have we for strife?
The two of us, dear wife, are free!it's a bit like a waltz; quick quick slow

[Leanne]

I'm getting to this, AJ, I promise

I haven't written a luc bat for years and I'll need to brush up on the form but I really enjoy it. There are some sonic requirements other than rhyme but I need to look out my instruction manual to get it exactly right for you -- they work best if you follow the Vietnamese rules as closely as we can in English, so long as we remember that Vietnamese is a tonal language rather than metric so we need to make some allowances. It shouldn't take me more than a couple of days. I really want to see this come to fruition since I greatly admire your ambition.

[cidermaid]

Hi, Been working on the punctuation and the Luc Bat, but Leanne mentioned somthing about the sonic element / requirment, so posted up this edit before i go too far and discover i need a big re-think.

Have included line numbers for each stanza - thought this might make it easier for people to highlight individual words or ideas for critique.
Please don't worry if you think you don't understand about the requirments for the forms (that's Leanne's Job ) If you have a nit with anything let me know, i would appreciate your thoughts and help.

(In the final presentation the last three lines of the sestina will be centred and i will take it out of the table)


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(Luc Bat)

L1 March sighing for her love.
L2 Of late, urgent opportunist,
L3 Now loves’ unprejudiced,
L4 April, gained through pained mist.
L5 Bourgeoning subterfuge,
L6 Springs the heavy deluge.

L1 Ma leaves the safe refuge,
L2 rough and rude the buds are shaken!
L3 Taken. Lust awakened,
L4 June all too soon, overtaken.
L5 sowing a veil of tears.
L6 worn out by drought filled fears,

L1 July blue. High, dry, clear,
L2 subterranean streams. Smoothed clean,
L3 Slip-streamed by a moon beam.
L4 Ascending slender dreams of mist.
L5 the final fling revealed.
L6 pensive August appeals.

L1 September – cold. Congealed,
L2 bleeding beauty now takes the field,
L3 Stone ground. Compressed and sealed,
L4 October had to yield. Pierced lamb,
L5 Nest bound, swallow not yet
L6 Fully fledged, held in debt.

L1 November plays roulette.
L2 Focussed for the final dozen.
L3 The broken bridge. Orphan
L4 nature leaves December corban.
L5 Simple things mean so much,
L6 dependant on love’s touch.

L1 Januarys’ last crutch.
L2 The ever darkened countenance,
L3 Now searching, luminance;
L4 Re-born into pre-eminence.
L5 Grace growing, fitted glove.
L6. February’s white dove.

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[td]

(Haiku)

Timed out burst. Feet first.
budding swelling, breaking dam.
bright light, new day. Start.
start right, richly veined,
overflowing growing grass.
Soft breath nuzzling.

nuzzling, nipping.
Leap, thrust, hold. Innocent eyes
may pierce, slipped, held deep.
Deep sleep, dappled shade,
Bugs biting, raindrops kissing.
fighting, free running,

running sweat, deep heat.
matron guarded siesta.
Refreshing dawn dew,
Due for a long drink.
Full fat gloaming, evening mist,
dark green gathering,

gathering clouds pile;
flanked deep, heaving gates aside.
hard tack ground to creep,
creep, cross over. Call
on the wing. Path flight, first thought.
restricted. Re-zoned,

Zoned in, colour cloned.
Leaching last connecting shades,
last step, door is closed.
Closed off, bagged bundle
Fast expanding awareness.
fruitful winter store.

Store shed, bellies full.
cracks plugged to mud and decay,
main stay, straw and hay.
Hay prepped, full mangers.
Frost, sun, wind, cloy sod clearing.
Emerging bud time,

[/td]

[td]

(Sestina)

Necrotic, then new born, now nurturing.
Weathering, the knowledge. The need growing.
A race to embrace life. Replenishing,
every cell, a laden nurse in waiting.
Re-charging, passing and sadly leaving.
The slender, tender touch of love resting.

Freshly planted. Rising, never resting,
behold the glazed nuance of nurturing.
Cleaving into clefts, dividing, leaving,
green and golden garlands, ever growing,
Soft voiced, the trees are whispering, waiting;
cloud baiting. Dewy brush replenishing.

Moisture seeking, roots for replenishing,
Hived bees in honeyed ease, nesting, resting,
dropping nectar. Wind wise in the waiting.
The blushing dog rose, hip scored, nurturing,
twining through the vines. Rapidly, growing
falling curtain. Serrated swords, leaving,

gentle cow-parsley graciously leaving,
Succour-less cells, now non-replenishing.
the worm feed swelling, forever growing.
the turning sod aside, belly up, resting.
A fatal kiss amid the nurturing.
abandoned, alone. The pointless waiting.

Browned off and so very tired of waiting.
the upper tiers are hastily leaving.
Paid up, cashed in net. Gained from nurturing
held by a silent chord, replenishing
The melodic thud, harmonics resting,
Yet ravenous and rapine. Still growing.

The winter wolf is growling and growing.
dependant on the benefice. Waiting.
Upon which, the babe will soon be resting.
The much vaunted harvest, southward leaving.
Blowing the final blast, replenishing,
awakening, loves’ natural nurturing.

Resting on the breast of growing love.
Held in the nurturing and ever waiting arms,
once graven, never leaving. Seasonally replenishing.

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