Untitled

[pound526]

I remember a time
When the satellites blazed
And the burgeoning stars were sublime.

Blessed by the sun and wooed by the moon
Vis-à-vis a crystal mirror in their forms
I absorbed their mysterious dreams!

I felt all in all in my radiant retreats,
I was all in all, until, in a blaze of solitary lights,
Those aliens surfaced in my eyes.

I remember a time when satellites blazed
But that was before the anti-selves came
Who broke the hymen of my eye!

[rowens]

I remember a time
When the satellites blazed
And the burgeoning stars were sublime.

Blessed by the sun and wooed by the moon
Vis-à-vis a crystal mirror in their forms
I absorbed their mysterious dreams!

I felt all in all in my radiant retreats,
I was all in all, until, in a blaze of solitary lights,
Those aliens surfaced in my eyes.

I remember a time when satellites blazed
But that was before the anti-selves came
Who broke the hymen of my eye!

This feels right to me. The balance between the commonplace, simplistic details and the wordless experiences that are cut apart by the "demonic" intruders on perception.
The adjectives help produce a rhythm that fits the subject matter, and blur the lines between the mundane and the supernatural.
The last line seems obvious, but the obvious brings us back to the friction between the typical and the instantly altered state. And the memories of satellites, stars, sun and moon are seen with a different kind of blazing and burgeoning, through the lens of the poem.

[pound526]

i am impressed with the thoughtful reply!

I remember a time
When the satellites blazed
And the burgeoning stars were sublime.

Blessed by the sun and wooed by the moon
Vis-à-vis a crystal mirror in their forms
I absorbed their mysterious dreams!

I felt all in all in my radiant retreats,
I was all in all, until, in a blaze of solitary lights,
Those aliens surfaced in my eyes.

I remember a time when satellites blazed
But that was before the anti-selves came
Who broke the hymen of my eye!

This feels right to me. The balance between the commonplace, simplistic details and the wordless experiences that are cut apart by the "demonic" intruders on perception.
The adjectives help produce a rhythm that fits the subject matter, and blur the lines between the mundane and the supernatural.
The last line seems obvious, but the obvious brings us back to the friction between the typical and the instantly altered state. And the memories of satellites, stars, sun and moon are seen with a different kind of blazing and burgeoning, through the lens of the poem.