My Daughter's pet

[billy]

1st edit thanks to cidermaid. i tried to cut some of the words out out of the wordy part and did as you suggested with the lager line, thanks for the feedback

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My Daughter's Pet:

piglet can't fry.
Spearing him
from arse to mouth
like a cannibal's spit roast
wouldn't fly.
For god sake;
Milly dresses him up
in pink, she says

It matches his little piggy feet.

After a few Heinekens.
all i see are chops, burgers,
and crackling that crunches.

When it's forced to watch telly with us
I look for pork-cooking food channels.

Milly says

yummy.

Peter pig gives an effeminate grunt
like an unhappy vicar with an empty collection plate.

Original

My Daughter's Pet:

piglet can't fry.
Spearing him
from arse to mouth
like a cannibal's spit roast
wouldn't fly.
For god sake;
Milly dresses him up
in pink, she says

It matches his little piggy feet

All i see are chops, burgers,
crackling that crunches
after a few Heinekens.

When she forces it to watch telly with us
I try and find a food channel that's cooking pork

Milly says

yummy

Peter pig gives an effeminate grunt
like an unhappy vicar with an empty collection plate.

[cidermaid]

Billy i think this is brilliant - just for the subject alone.

My Daughter's pet
piglet can't fry.
Spearing him
from arse to mouth
like a cannibal's spit roast
wouldn't fly.
For god sake;
Milly dresses him up
in pink, she says

It matches his little piggy feet -- Didn't have any thoughts on the
above thought it worked well.


All i see are chops, burgers,
crackling that crunches
after a few Heinekens.

The above didn't seam to work so well, although liked the image. Was not sure if it was the actual word Heinekens or if actually it might work better if the lines were reversed and Heineken line was first in this stanza...sorry not much help. Couldn't work out what was the nit, just felt it.

When she forces it to watch telly with us
--Felt like too many words is when needed.
I try and find a food channel that's cooking pork -- same again... didn't feel "try and" was needed.

Milly says

yummy --made me laugh

Peter pig gives an effeminate grunt
like an unhappy vicar with an empty collection plate. [b]--Brilliant ending giving "Peter the piglet, dressed in pink" a female
voice, also great final image with the vicar.

Thanks for the read i really enjoyed this one
Sorry if my comments are a bit weak.
I'm sure somebody with stronger views will be along on a mo.

[billy]

the comments are excellent and i'll be using most if not all of them in the edit. thanks for visit

[billy]

1st edit thanks to cidermaid. i tried to cut some of the words out out of the wordy part and did as you suggested with the lager line, thanks for the feedback

---

My Daughter's Pet:

piglet can't fry.
Spearing him
from arse to mouth
like a cannibal's spit roast
wouldn't fly.
For god sake;
Milly dresses him up
in pink, she says

It matches his little piggy feet.

After a few Heinekens.
all i see are chops, burgers,
and crackling that crunches.

When it's forced to watch telly with us
I look for pork-cooking food channels.

Milly says

yummy.

Peter pig gives an effeminate grunt
like an unhappy vicar with an empty collection plate.

[cidermaid]

Hi Billy,
Thanks for the nice words (bit stunned really that I've managed to say anything of any relevance)
However suitably encouraged there's no holding me now....you'll start to regret it soon
Love the "it's in the line about watching TV. Manages to emphasise and convey the disgust and contempt for piggy wonderfully.

The line "I look for pork-cooking food channels", Still sounds off; forced or back to front to my ear.
I look for cooking channels with pork products -would be my offering here.

But whatever you do with your poem...I'm loving it.

Thank God for the Billys of this world

AJ

[Keith]

I love the vivid images of a dressed up pig sat pride of place on the sofa, and somehow I think he's just as pissed off as you are, its a great poem. Just the fun content makes me want some rhyme in there so below is just a suggestion to pick up the start rhyme of fry and fly. If not love it as is, job done. TOMH

Heineken gives me the munchies
all i see are chops, burgers,
and crackling that crunches.

When it's sat with us and forced to watch telly
I find food channels cooking pork-belly.

[billy]

thanks guys, will return to this a week or so and see if i can use any more of your suggestions.