2026

[Arriedo]

We stand incarcerated
afraid to stage a liberation
Instead we stand in suits, time wasted
away on useless debates and
talk of genocide while the poor contemplate suicide
the futures gone away it left a note worded
"I'm off to hide."
So what do we have but the past and the present
no thoughts of tomorrow because tomorrow's lost its presence
So dream to be president
Even dream to set precedents
But when the rebels weapons spent
You'll look on these words in reverence
With a broken soul how dare you try to lead a broken country
Death to the false claimers.

Help always enjoyed.


[/b][/i]

[rowens]

We stand incarcerated
afraid to stage a liberation
Instead we stand in suits, time wasted
away on useless debates and
talk of genocide while the poor contemplate suicide
the futures gone away it left a note worded

Did you want the words like "future's" to have the punctuation, and commas and periods in certain places? If so, those are the only real problems.

"I'm off to hide."
So what do we have but the past and the present
no thoughts of tomorrow because tomorrow's lost its presence
So dream to be president
Even dream to set precedents
But when the rebels weapons spent

"rebel's weapon's"

You'll look on these words in reverence
With a broken soul how dare you try to lead a broken country
Death to the false claimers.




[/b][/i]

I didn't put any commas in. I just wondered how you wanted it to look.

[Arriedo]

I need to look at it and go over it. this was really just a random poem lol

[billy]

[i]We stand incarcerated
afraid to stage a liberation good solid opening
Instead we stand in suits, time wasted
away on useless debates and
talk of genocide while the poor contemplate suicide
the futures gone away it left a note worded is away needed?
"I'm off to hide."
So what do we have but the past and the present is 'so' and the last 'the' needed?
no thoughts of tomorrow because tomorrow's lost its presence
So dream to be president
Even dream to set precedents some nice P's
But when the rebels weapons spent rebel's (would 'are' between weapon's and spent add to the flow.)
You'll look on these words in reverence
With a broken soul how dare you try to lead a broken country
Death to the false claimers.

Help always enjoyed.

i really like this though it could lose quite a few small words. the rhyme feels good the rap rhythm works well and it doesn't feel cheesy like lots of rap poetry does. i pointed out one grammar point, there are a few. would be better with a grammar check

thanks for the read

[Arriedo]

I appreciate the feed.

[Todd]

Hi Arriedo, a few comments for you:

I'm not sure the we stand's add much for you. You could cut them and pull afraid up a line and have it provide a layered meaning.

Incarcerated afraid
to stage a liberation
in our suits...

Just a thought...

I really liked your future line also you could maybe look to condense a little by cutting away and worded. The line is good enough to consider opening the poem with it.

Again just some thoughts.

Best,

Todd