In Between Lights

[Leanne]

The lights are all red and nobody’s going
Buckled up tight in his shiny coupé
He cannot keep his anger from showing

Outside a cyclone has just started blowing
This is another most frustrating day
The lights are all red and nobody’s going

Off in the distance a fire is glowing
Set in the hearth of a time far away
He cannot keep his anger from showing

The radio gives him a forecast all-knowing
Doesn’t need them to remind him it’s grey
The lights are all red and nobody’s going

Somehow relief from this to-ing and fro-ing
Offers no comfort, he wants them to pay
He cannot keep his anger from showing

No more good mornings and empty hello-ing
Now there is nothing to stand in his way
The lights are all red and nobody’s going
Soon they will see how his anger is showing





From title prompts here

[Todd]

Chilling last line of a fine villanelle. I love how you build the internal rage in the poem. Each stanza brings more tension. I like that there are some lines that I know to read sarcastically like the weather forecast.

[Leanne]

Comes from driving on the Gold Coast

[Todd]

Wait a minute are you saying YOU are the rage filled speaker who will make every other driver pay, and everyone else for that matter? I thought it was a persona...OMG!

[Leanne]

Be grateful for the ocean... :p

[Todd]

Be grateful for the ocean... :p

Every day I am grateful...every single day.

[arbil_poieo]

This needs a part two when he does explode, it would be interesting to read what you would do with it.

A really good read, but honestly I'm kinda glad I live far from you. If you're ever in Texas let me know so I'll know to stay home.

[Leanne]

I'll be sure to do that.

(although in reality, I've never had so much as a speeding ticket)

[billy]

solid killville

one question?

Doesn’t need them to remind him it’s grey

it works, but it isn't iambic.

does it start with a trochee trochee anapaest anapaest? i'm asking because obviously i want to know it shows how meter can work without being always iambic.

[Leanne]

Hardly any of it's iambic in this one actually -- I was more after the accentual meter of four beats per line -- most of the lines are trochees. Well spotted

[billy]

it's hard but i'm working on it seriously you've helped me a lot with the way you use meter.

[Leanne]

It doesn't need to always be rigid -- but it should always be controlled. And now, back to our regular bullshitting.

[billy]

okay, nice ville, good refrain.

[Todd]

Here's my method for reading meter (it's very sophisticated):

I read the poem out loud. If it feels like it has rhythm and everything sounds right, nothing feels off, than I don't worry about it. I think of it like a meal. I might catch a hint of cinnamon or rosemary in a dish and that's cool but I didn't come there to eat the spice rack. There are bound to be substitutions in meter (or it can get a bit repetitive). If the form calls for a normative meter than yes I'm thinking cinnamon, cinnamon, parsley, cinnamon, cinnamon--hey what's up with the parsley.

[Keith]

Hi Leanne
Not sure what you and billy were on about, speaking in tounges, but I did enjoy the way this builds I was getting stressed reading it out loud, neat ending, thanks TOMH

[pound526]

Good flow to this poem! First three stanza move my eye!