Lost socks

[Keith]

Curled up tight, dried out of sight.
Spun too thin, slipped round the rim.

These are the socks for you to find,
these are the socks it leaves behind,
wash basket monster, none can see
the lost socks are coming they're after me.

A material mass, a lonely life form
some live in tatters some live in torn
They hide in draws, pretend to be found
then turn into gloves when word gets around
some do your ankles, some do your knee
some do the dusting, some come as three

so when you chose, to screw socks in a ball
and throw them in baskets, bounced of the wall,
a material monster with toe holes for eyes,
is waiting for one, to say his goodbye's.

[benthejack]

great poem!
a bit of feedback below

Curled up tight, dried out of sight.
Spun too thin, slipped round the rim.


These are the socks they want you to find, <--this comes out a little halting, maybe swap "they want" with "for"?
these are the socks they leave behind,
wash basket monster, what can it be
the lost socks are coming and there after me. <--- maybe drop the "and"? coming, they're after me

A material mass, a lonely life form
some live in tatters some live in torn
They hide in draws and pretend to be found <--- another possibly unnecessary "and"?
then turn into gloves when word gets around <-- hah! I like it
some do your ankles, some do your knee
some do the dusting, some come as three <--

so when you chose, to screw socks in a ball
and throw them in baskets, bounced of the wall,
there’s a material monster with toe holes for eyes,
who’s waiting for one, to say his goodbye's.

[kamirakara]

I really like how you described the socks in the beginning!! I have never read a poem that has used socks like this before, very original (in my opinion)! Smart and funny ^^ Really like this poem (:

[Keith]

great poem!
a bit of feedback below

Curled up tight, dried out of sight.
Spun too thin, slipped round the rim.


These are the socks they want you to find, <--this comes out a little halting, maybe swap "they want" with "for"?
these are the socks they leave behind,
wash basket monster, what can it be
the lost socks are coming and there after me. <--- maybe drop the "and"? coming, they're after me

A material mass, a lonely life form
some live in tatters some live in torn
They hide in draws and pretend to be found <--- another possibly unnecessary "and"?
then turn into gloves when word gets around <-- hah! I like it
some do your ankles, some do your knee
some do the dusting, some come as three <--

so when you chose, to screw socks in a ball
and throw them in baskets, bounced of the wall,
there’s a material monster with toe holes for eyes,
who’s waiting for one, to say his goodbye's.

Have done a quick update thanks for the pointers

[Bizzy]

I really liked this and, having read the feedback can see what a big difference a few small changes made to the original. Liked especially the cadence of the 2 lines 'some do your ankles, some do your knee / some do dusting, some come as three'. Entertainment and a lesson too - brilliant!