Posts: 45
Threads: 12
Joined: Oct 2012
Forged in hateful fire
Under blood red sun
Clouds black as the raven's heart
Kindred to none but the Beast
Oblivion I lust
Fingers but talons of destruction
Feed upon your loathing
Apocolyptic rider
Necromancing annihilator
Demonic scythe wielder
Death our destiny
Insha'Allah
Everything is as God wills it
Posts: 6
Threads: 2
Joined: Nov 2012
(11-18-2012, 03:25 AM)TwistedAngel Wrote: Forged in hateful fire
Under blood red sun - Under A blood red sun
Clouds black as the raven's heart
Kindred to none but the Beast
Oblivion I lust
Fingers but talons of destruction
Feed upon your loathing
Apocolyptic rider
Necromancing annihilator
Demonic scythe wielder
Death our destiny
Insha'Allah
Everything is as God wills it
I hope I helped or at least I hope I did that right lol. My first attempt at "trying" to help. Other than that, I enjoyed the darkness of it. Frightening and well wrote.
Posts: 522
Threads: 48
Joined: Nov 2012
You manage to convey a sense of heartfelt anger and a common deep seated fear of death that many will be able to identify with. For me the last stanza was the weakest in that it seamed to just tail off into almost an appolgy....after all those great ranting descriptive images.
Good material choice, lots to work with. On a persoanl level not sure the tone of the actual acrostic adds anything, but that might just be me.
Posts: 848
Threads: 231
Joined: Oct 2012
(11-18-2012, 03:25 AM)TwistedAngel Wrote: Forged in hateful fire Nice opener sets the path nicely
Under blood red sun
Clouds black as the raven's heart
Kindred to none but the Beast lost to the devil
Oblivion I lust
Fingers but talons of destruction
Feed upon your loathing nice
Apocolyptic rider
Necromancing annihilator
Demonic scythe wielder this line sounds abit corny, when all others carry so much death and destruction
Death our destiny
Insha'Allah
Everything is as God wills it
Nice job although you do scare me a little
would have prefferd you to kill the sucker rather than bow to Gods will or leave it in his hands. Cant wait for the extended edit.
Y........
O.......
U.......
B.......
A..........
S........
T.......
A.......
R.......
D.......
Thanks for the read I like this layout. TOMH
Posts: 45
Threads: 12
Joined: Oct 2012
cheers guys
an will have a rethink about the "Demonic scythe wielder" line cos i think i agree is a bit weak
i wos trying to describe wot death is an can be..its sad its freightening its rips lives apart for not just the dead but those thats left behind...the end is all about not so much a lame apology but more ..tough shit..thers nothing you can do about it..its coming all our way an Mr D dont care who you are
in the meantime i done this for TOMH
Your oppressive wieght
Obscures my will
Under disdainful clouds
Break me
Abonish the inner me
Smother me
Take my soul
Aching to be free
Rid meself of you
Die you bastard, just die
