Laces

[Todd]

At seven, I tied my shoes
for the first time.
Other kids had long since
mastered shoe-tying. I was the last one
to make the knot first, then the bow.

At six, what I’d worn wasn't tied.
Two steel braces fastened to a cuff
above my knee, and were worn
even while sleeping. With each step
there was a metal click like a bone snapping
into place.

So, at seven, I had new shoes,
and I learned to run, and jump and play kickball--
knot then bow, knot then bow.
Sometimes, I tied them just for fun.

~~~


We were discussing the idea of personal poems in another thread, and the comment was made about what do you do with the old stuff you've written. For me it mostly sits in files and I don't touch it, post it, or think about it. Here's something I wrote more than 20 years ago (with very slight updates). This was the first poem I wrote where I felt I was starting to hear my voice in the work. I'm not sure if this is salvageable, but figured I would post it because it popped into my head after reading the other thread. I worry that it's too sentimental. Thanks all.

[Rose Love]

It's encouraging to see you have the courage to post this I don't even think I have the first poems I wrote anymore.

I like the happy feeling at the end of this, especially in the last line. I would tie them just for fun too. Much more than new shoes.

[Todd]

Thanks Rose. I'll post some even earlier stuff (read awful) in novice. This was probably my 20-30th poem. To the content, yeah it was a good day to just flipping start fitting in with the other kids. This would have been one of my earlier close to home poems that we talked about. I can accept critique on it easily now. Up to that point, my poetry was more third person observation...this one the speaker was the writer...tougher. I appreciate the comments.

[billy]

At seven, I tied my shoes
for the first time.
Other kids had long since
mastered shoe-tying. I was the last one
to make the knot first, then the bow.

At six, what I’d worn wasn't tied.
Two steel braces fastened to a cuff
above my knee, and were worn
even while sleeping. With each step
there was a metal click like a bone snapping the image feels real.
into place.

So, at seven, I had new shoes, not sure the so does anything
and I learned to run, and jump and play kickball-- i like the many and's here, they do add a sort of excitement
knot than bow, knot than bow. then and then
Sometimes, I tied them just for fun. great last line, it carries a lot of pride and satisfaction in it

~~~

i'd say very salvageable. my suggestions are just nits really. i had a small problem with the enjambment in the lower half of the first stanza and i thought the 2nd was exceptionally good. mainly because of the image it was strong. the poem didn't feel overly sentimental, it has an honesty to it that i enjoyed.

thanks for the read.

[Rose Love]

But I wonder how relevant critique is on a poem that was written so long ago? We develop and change a lot, vocabulary increases, life experience changes us and our perspectives--probably we couldn't write a poem as bad as the first ones we wrote even if we tried lol. I don't think I could.

I had more to write, but too far off the topic of your poem, so I'll refrain from writing it . But definitely, thanks for the encouragement.

[billy]

you can always start a poetry discussion thread about it.

[heslopian]

I like poems like this which focus on small, seemingly insignificant moments and from them mine subtle truths. This is a really lovely poem, warm and tingly. It says so much with such a simple portrait. Thanks for the read

[Keith]

At seven, I tied my shoes
for the first time.
Other kids had long since
mastered shoe-tying. I was the last one
to make the knot first, then the bow.

At six, what I’d worn wasn't tied.
Two steel braces fastened to a cuff
above my knee, and were worn
even while sleeping. With each step
there was a metal click like a bone snapping
into place.

So, at seven, I had new shoes,
and I learned to run, and jump and play kickball--
knot than bow, knot than bow.
Sometimes, I tied them just for fun.

~~~


We were discussing the idea of personal poems in another thread, and the comment was made about what do you do with the old stuff you've written. For me it mostly sits in files and I don't touch it, post it, or think about it. Here's something I wrote more than 20 years ago (with very slight updates). This was the first poem I wrote where I felt I was starting to hear my voice in the work. I'm not sure if this is salvageable, but figured I would post it because it popped into my head after reading the other thread. I worry that it's too sentimental. Thanks all.

You are blessed to own such a back catalogue, I always enjoy your threads but seldom have anything constructive to offer you, love the feel and simplicity of the last line. Thanks for sharing TOMH

[Todd]

Thanks Billy I changed the two thens. Which is a good example of how my proof reading used to be. Thanks for the comments. I'll consider them if I decide to revise.

Rose, Thanks for the additional discussion. I agree with Billy post it in poetry discussion. It's probably worth talking about. For me, I've found that all critique has value--even on the old ones. The topic might still be valuable, or maybe you've polished your technique to such a degree that you're no longer writing with energy. Mostly, though I think it's good to remind yourself where you came from, or that could be all bs...thanks again.

Jack, I appreciate your comments on this old thing. Thanks for the feedback and for taking the time.

Best,

Todd

---

Thanks TOMH, I appreciate the read and comments.

[TwistedAngel]

IMO 'personal poetry' is the best kind, be it a life experiance or a feeling or point of view

the line "So, at seven, I had new shoes," is perfect it makes the write 'conversational' bringing it off the screen into like almost 'real time' givin it a harder edge an more depth..theres really a real person behind this

also makes a nice change for me not to be googling words i dont understand

liked this a lot

[Todd]

Thanks Twisted Angel, I'm glad you liked it, and I'm even more glad that I didn't make you google anything.