Precarious Love

[Rose Love]

Why do I fall apart when he stays away for days and days? More importantly, why does he stay away from me, why does he leave me…alone…wondering…writing…

“I sit alone here in my dark, silent room, writing to you by candlelight and staring out the window at the falling snow; each little snowflake living its brief moment in the light of the street lamp, lingering or hastened through this limelight at the whim of the wind, passing thus away, back into the dark space of night, becoming again invisible, forgotten.

Here I wait for you. I’ve waited for you all day. You said you would come. You did not come. I ask myself in my solitude ‘Did he forget me?’ I ask myself ‘Why does everyone forget me?’ like a small girl left waiting alone outside in the cold after her school has closed for the day and all her classmates have long since been picked up and taken back home to the warm embrace of a family. The small girl stands alone, shivering in the cold, unclaimed, orphaned…scared. Nobody wants her, nobody remembers her - not even her own parents.

As I stare into the night, white with falling snow, deep inside me I feel this pain - my brief time in the light of your love is done.

I ask myself, ‘How many days will he desert me for this time? How many weeks?’

I ask myself, ‘Why did they forget me? Why did they leave me alone, waiting?’ Time after time, I only find one explanation - I am not worthy.”

*Note: This is not a poem and is not intended for critique--just sharing!*

[billy]

those last 4 words are so powerful and sad. the feeling of aloneness is palpable.
thanks for the read

[Todd]

I like some of the lines and images here (not critiquing just sharing too):

...like a small girl left waiting alone outside in the cold after her school has closed for the day and all her classmates have long since been picked up and taken back home to the warm embrace of a family.

(That's painful, and I think most can relate at one time or another)

As I stare into the night, white with falling snow

(I'm a sucker for the way this is phrased (the night/white...and the sounds of white with)...very nice

Thanks for sharing it.

[Rose Love]

Thanks. As I look at it, I wonder if I should accept some critique on it. I'm not entirely happy with all parts of it... Anyway, if I didn't decide my writings were finished at some point, I wouldn't ever have completed any poem or any writing at all. It's just, most of my writings are a little "too close to home" and am not sure how I would react to critique on some of them. Anyway, I'm testing the waters

[billy]

the choice is yours of course but i'd say get your feet wet first with non personal poetry. if all you have is the personal stuff post it in mild and see how it goes, you can always draw back from there and post in the non crit forums should it be too painful

[Todd]

Well, we can always go down that route if you want Rose. I know what you mean though about decided whether a poem is complete or not. Mine are all complete at some point, but that doesn't stop me from tinkering with them for years.

And yes, it's easy to have poems that are too close to home...I have some of those myself. Take it slow... There's no rush.

For me, it isn't that I'm worried about the critique. It's the simple act of posting them at all that's difficult.

[Rose Love]

the choice is yours of course but i'd say get your feet wet first with non personal poetry. if all you have is the personal stuff post it in mild and see how it goes, you can always draw back from there and post in the non crit forums should it be too painful

I just wonder how interested are people in just sharing their poetry and other writings without critiquing or having them critiqued? Literally all of my stuff is personal right up until 2008. I wrote poems to process and express my emotions and thoughts about stuff that was happening to me. Even so, I have attained enough emotional distance from some of it to not to feel so much about it. I wonder what am I supposed to do with all that stuff I've written lol...like this thing--what is it good for now that it's written? I don't know!

"Wet feet" - ha, way to carry over the water analogy .

[billy]

another decent topic for the poetry discussion board

if it's just vanity sites (probably not what you mean) or a showcase site for what people write, there's lots of places out there. mainly we're a workshop site but we realise that sometimes that can be too much. sometime poets just want to show there poetry, so we added a couple of extra places for such a thing .

[rowens]

People can write autobiographies, I don't see why people can't write a book of autobiographical poems. It's just that so many people do it. But so many people write many kinds of poetry. And there's lots of prose poetry. Baudelaire was always one of my favorites, and there were times when I preferred his "petite poemes en prose" to his verse.