Home Run

[tectak]

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home;
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

We breathed and spent the damp fast air, so none was left for words;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I as one.

The stabbing beams lit eyes in earth and grass and bush and tree;
Each stare a star in moments lost to miles sucked up by time.
We neither gasped nor pointed “look!” as each bright light blinked out
For this was not our time to dwell but time to journey on.

We smiled in darker canopies as heaven lost to leaf;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I at peace.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path.
Reeling in advance of turns we flew, then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand.

Before us fell the hill to hope and warmth from welcome walls
Just faster than the moon we rolled, you and I…then home.

Tectak
2012

[Keith]

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home;
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

We breathed and spent the damp fast air, so none was left for words;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I as one.

The stabbing beams lit eyes in earth and grass and bush and tree;
Each stare a star in moments lost to miles sucked up by time.
We neither gasped nor pointed “look!” as each bright light blinked out
For this was not our time to dwell but time to journey on.

We smiled in darker canopies as heaven lost to leaf;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I at peace.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path.
Reeling in advance of bends we flew then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand. Really like this great image
Before us fell the hill to hope and warmth from welcome walls
Just faster than the moon we rolled, you and I…then home.

Tectak
2012

Hi Tectak
This took a couple of reads for me to get into it, but I can say now you cover the detail of the journey very well, I see myself on a bicycle riding along country lanes as the air is getting heavy and you make me notice things I would normally miss. (only crit would be the end feels rushed, I would like to have had more understanding of how the journey ended. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

[tectak]

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home;
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

We breathed and spent the damp fast air, so none was left for words;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I as one.

The stabbing beams lit eyes in earth and grass and bush and tree;
Each stare a star in moments lost to miles sucked up by time.
We neither gasped nor pointed “look!” as each bright light blinked out
For this was not our time to dwell but time to journey on.

We smiled in darker canopies as heaven lost to leaf;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I at peace.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path.
Reeling in advance of bends we flew then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand. Really like this great image
Before us fell the hill to hope and warmth from welcome walls
Just faster than the moon we rolled, you and I…then home.

Tectak
2012

Hi Tectak
This took a couple of reads for me to get into it, but I can say now you cover the detail of the journey very well, I see myself on a bicycle riding along country lanes as the air is getting heavy and you make me notice things I would normally miss. (only crit would be the end feels rushed, I would like to have had more understanding of how the journey ended. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

and thank you for your comments. Yes....the end of a long journey by motorbike. Two days ago. A great ride. A long journey. Nothing else to say....we got home.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home; lovely image
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

We breathed and spent the damp fast air, so none was left for words;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I as one.

The stabbing beams lit eyes in earth and grass and bush and tree; does this line need comma's
Each stare a star in moments lost to miles sucked up by time.
We neither gasped nor pointed “look!” as each bright light blinked out
For this was not our time to dwell but time to journey on.

We smiled in darker canopies as heaven lost to leaf; canopies,
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I at peace.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path. maps,
Reeling in advance of turns we flew, then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand.

Before us fell the hill to hope and warmth from welcome walls
Just faster than the moon we rolled, you and I…then home.

Tectak
2012

very quaint, very poignant, very comforting. there seems a glut of adjectives (is that what they're called? ) near the front end of the poem, but i enjoy laden lines. so i'm not calling it as a nit. some excellent images in a narrative that gently pushes the reader along. too many good images to pick one or two out so i didn't . i had a few nits re the grammar but you know me and grammar, i probably got it well wrong the repetitions./ altered refrains worked a treat.

thanks for the read

[penguin]

Hello tectak.I like the lines of refrain. I'd like the main body of the poem more if it followed the kind of rhythm in the first 2 lines.

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home;
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

I think lines 3 to 5 are a bit of a mess to be honest. Apart from the ungainly rhythm there's a lot of "ins".I like dark browed, deep ploughed.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path.
Reeling in advance of turns we flew, then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand.

The rhythm goes again in the 3rd line and the repetition of "way" just seems lazy.
made strangely known our way - sounds contrived.

[tectak]

That night the moon dipped down her crown, and glowing, raced us home; lovely image
She sped on hedges, skimmed the dark-browed, deep ploughed fields.
Vanishing, as sprites unclearly seen in misted hollows fall in to shade
Then flash again in pale and vaporous forms,
To fall behind and die in mirrored scarlet light.

We breathed and spent the damp fast air, so none was left for words;
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I as one.

The stabbing beams lit eyes in earth and grass and bush and tree; does this line need comma's
Each stare a star in moments lost to miles sucked up by time.
We neither gasped nor pointed “look!” as each bright light blinked out
For this was not our time to dwell but time to journey on.

We smiled in darker canopies as heaven lost to leaf; canopies,
Just faster than the moon we rolled, with you and I at peace.

Familiar lifts and swaying bends made strangely known our way;
No maps nor guides could link this sense, our bodies felt the path. maps,
Reeling in advance of turns we flew, then hugged the ironed way
as gravity reversed we rose and held its weightless hand.

Before us fell the hill to hope and warmth from welcome walls
Just faster than the moon we rolled, you and I…then home.

Tectak
2012

very quaint, very poignant, very comforting. there seems a glut of adjectives (is that what they're called? ) near the front end of the poem, but i enjoy laden lines. so i'm not calling it as a nit. some excellent images in a narrative that gently pushes the reader along. too many good images to pick one or two out so i didn't . i had a few nits re the grammar but you know me and grammar, i probably got it well wrong the repetitions./ altered refrains worked a treat.

thanks for the read

Thanks billy. This written on the hoof so to speak, just to show I am still here!
I fear the worst re dale. Any news?

[billy]

not heard a thing, sent a few emails but no reply.

i've not seen anything on his fb page either.

if thios is on the hoof, i'd love to see something you mulled over for a while