Trick

[Keith]

1st draft
White sheets, raining sweets, finger holes for eyes.
little steps, out with pets, door knocked surprise.

Rain mac's, candle wax, fright night parade.
Goblin hobb, graves to rob, costumes tailor made.

Open door, six or more, hands outstretched for treats.
Behind my back, in a sac, a home made head and sweets.


2nd Edit (Thank you all for your comments)

White sheets, raining sweets, finger-holes for eyes.
Little steps, out with pets, door knocked surprise.

Rain mac's, candle wax, fright night parade.
Goblin hobb, graves to rob, costumes ready made.

Light dims, sharp-teeth grins, Pumpkin shadow stare
Darkness falls, doorbell calls, press me if you dare.

Open door, six or more, hands outstretched for treats.
Behind my back, in a sack, a home made head and sweets.

[billy]

i think sack would be better but i did enjoy it, in fact it was a treat.
it would make a great kids poem and the time for telling is almost upon us
no nits apart form sac.

thanks for the read.

[Wildcard]

Hi TimeOnMyHands,
I genuinely like this poem as-is. It is very cute and several phrases made me get that 'awww' feeling like when I watch an Alpo commercial and the guy is hugging the dog at the end . . . only better because it is about humans

Anyway, here are my thoughts:

White sheets, raining sweets, finger holes for eyes.
little steps, out with pets, door knocked surprise. --'Little steps' was a nice image (I could see the 'waddle' like little kids always have)

Rain mac's, candle wax, fright night parade.
Goblin hobb, graves to rob, costumes tailor made. --All of this works fine for me, but the two lines seem uneven to me- then again I could have it wrong. Content: A, Flow: C+ )

Open door, six or more, hands outstretched for treats.
Behind my back, in a sac, a home made head and sweets.

. . . and a good tidy closer that has a sustained feeling of tension . . . a good kind of tension, though.

Thanks for sharing your work.

[MrA]

White sheets, raining sweets, finger holes for eyes.
little steps, out with pets, door knocked surprise.

Rain mac's, candle wax, fright night parade.
Goblin hobb, graves to rob, costumes tailor made.

Open door, six or more, hands outstretched for treats.
Behind my back, in a sac, a home made head and sweets.

Excellent, slightly creepy seasonal poem. Can now feel Halloween biting at my ankles with finger hole for eyes.(I'd stick a hyphen between finger and holes, but that's just me.) Thanks for the read.

[Philatone]

hello time!

my biggest thought was to add a period after "knocked" and add capital letters as needed ("little steps", I'm looking at you).
in some ways, I feel like the poem could be lengthened, though perhaps by adding more to the beginning than the end.
regardless, a fun, fitting read