H(Our) Glass.

[SpoiledInk]

Okay, So I seem to be stuck in this typical way of writing. Excuse the redundancy, I'm still pretty new at this.

------- ------------ ---------- ------------ ------------ ----- ---

I could lay all day...

I could lay all day
next to you
just to hear
the melody, produced by the finger tips
of our hearts beat
So when our hearts speak,
the only sound is an echo.
Because no love has ever been this loud.
So even in a crowd
We arent to far from recognition
Cause in this condition,
You've become my soul's religion,
My temple and holy decision.
And as god as my witness
I need you to understand the importance of this feeling.
To simply wish it,
The world would have your palms imprint
In it
Still It,
Doesnt feel like I've gotten you to understand,
That even when no one else sees it,
you are the epitome to the reason
why im breathing.
And if you think I'd ever leave,
I'd wake you up just to tell you
"Baby...It's all a bad dream"
So go back to sleep,
Cause it's moments like these
Where I could trace your hands life lines
For a life time.
Time after time...
I heard ..
This is what Love's supposed to feel like...

[billy]

do you want feedback. if so what sort?
and don't worry about being new at it, and no need to say sorry either

[SpoiledInk]

do you want feedback. if so what sort?

any kind. You're the reader.

[billy]

Okay, So I seem to be stuck in this typical way of writing. Excuse the redundancy, I'm still pretty new at this.

------- ------------ ---------- ------------ ------------ ----- ---

I could lay all day... why not use the title as the first line?

I could lay all day and remove this?
next to you
just to hear
the melody, produced by the finger tips
of our hearts beat heart's beat
So when our hearts speak,
the only sound is an echo.
Because no love has ever been this loud.
So even in a crowd
We arent to far from recognition aren't
Cause in this condition, 'cause as in because, not cause as in effect
You've become my soul's religion,
My temple and holy decision.
And as god as my witness
I need you to understand the importance of this feeling.
To simply wish it,
The world would have your palms imprint
In it
Still It, feels bad
Doesnt feel like I've gotten you to understand, doesn't
That even when no one else sees it,
you are the epitome to the reason
why im breathing. I'm
And if you think I'd ever leave,
I'd wake you up just to tell you
"Baby...It's all a bad dream"
So go back to sleep,
Cause it's moments like these
Where I could trace your hands life lines
For a life time.
Time after time...
I heard ..
This is what Love's supposed to feel like...

try and cut out anything that isn't needed, (excess baggage)

this is just a suggestion:

So when our hearts speak,
the only sound is an echo.
Because no love has ever been this loud.
So even in a crowd


when our hearts speak,
the only sound, an echo.
love has never been this loud.
even in a crowd

also the cliche needs working on, the grammar also needs attention you weaken the poem with all this attributes. it does need a pretty hefty edit but the poem's in there waiting for you to pull it out

thanks for the read.