morning

[only rob]

Sometimes


when the lake catches fire,
the surrealist adventure persists,
before the stimulant passes lips
and that Eastern face makes it real,
the wildebeest stampedes
between a faceless lovers thighs
and fetal shapes affix limbs
to the horror of another morning.

the moon falls, wing-broken

The day stinks of reality
like blue cheese or violent priests,
nibbling at innocent crackers
in some inner Mississippi
that threatens us with cubicles
filled with images of those for
whom we are never good enough
affixed to make-believe walls.

Sometimes, I scream.

[just mercedes]

I really like your imagery, particularly ' inner Mississippi' and '(the moon falls. wing-broken)'. I don't like mornings either - the only part of the first stanza I didn't really understand was 'fetal shapes affix wings' though I love the way it sounds.

The form of the poem on the page allows it to be easily read.

I like the aside, as it were, of the line in italics - i wonder if the brackets were needed as well?

I really like the image 'violent priests' - not sure why! And yes, sometimes I scream too. Thank you for the read, I enjoyed.

[MrA]

Sometimes


when the lake catches fire,
the surrealist adventure persists,now a surrealist would be a person and the person's adventure. That would then be: surrealist's.
before the stimulant passes lips
and that Eastern face makes it real,
the wildebeest stampedes
between a faceless lovers thighslover's
and fetal shapes affix limbs
to the horror of another morning.maybe you know what you're getting at, but the reader doesn't. Too cryptic with no hint of what you mean

the moon falls, wing-brokenI like the image here

The day stinks of reality
like blue cheese or violent priests,
nibbling at innocent crackers
in some inner Mississippi
that threatens us with cubicles
filled with images of those for
whom we are never good enough
affixed to make-believe walls.this is the second use of the word 'affix'. I'd suggest using a different word

Sometimes, I scream.why? Be specific, maybe you could just do without this line

[billy]

because i can't grasp the message or story, i can't give anything constructive except express that i can't grasp it .

i love some of the images; the stampeding wildebeests and the blue cheese are great lines in their construction but i can't make them relate to the rest of poem.

wish i could say something that was more of a help

thanks for the read