Valhalla 500

[Lightbaron]

any heaven worth knowing
is accessed through blood

The road of devotion
tolled by tellers, who never see a pale face
unless to pluck their barbed flowers,
has more curves than straight-aways

but the planes, once ridden
iron the kinks out of the fabric
to single threads
each one its own dish of warm milk
each one straightened out enough
to vanish

everyday appears again

bones ache from want
blood yells outside the window
of unrequited love

a car is stolen to reacquaint
with the road
the motors fuel
registered,
and release

the carburetors open
the paradise of throttle
forgets of the scars
from barbed flowers

the road to devotion
is paved with punctured skin

the only heaven worth knowing
is accessed through blood

[billy]

any heaven worth knowing
is accessed through blood

The road of devotion
tolled by tellers, who never see a pale face
unless to pluck their barbed flowers,
has more curves than straight-aways

but the planes, once ridden
iron the kinks out of the fabric
to single threads
each one its own dish of warm milk
each one straightened out enough
to vanish

everday appears again everyday

bones ache from want
blood yells outside the window
of unrequitted love unrequited

a car is stolen to reaquaint reacquaint
with the road
the motors fuel
registered is this the right word? would registers work better?
and release i think this stanza needs some grammar

the carburetors open
the paradise of throttle
forgets of the scars
from barbed flowers it's like an ad for a high

the road to devotion
is paved with punctured skin

the only heaven worth knowing
is accessed through blood

the highs get better and the lows lower. it;s sounds a bit too trippy for me but and this is a big but. i think the poem works, it puts the reader into the feel of needing or wanting to go to a higher plane only drugs can provide.
some good images throughout the poem, i just wonder if the metaphors are too intricately put together. you have some spelling mistakes that could just be americanisms.

thanks for the read

[Lightbaron]

@billy, thank you for the read and comment. The mistakes were an Americanism- in that it was impatient overlooking mistakes. Fixed up, thanks on that. The metaphors are cross sections of other sketches I made on this idea. Perhaps too intricate, I agree, hoping it doesn't get lost, but the more straight forward approaches I penned lacked any luster for me.

[Aish]

LB, I need to mull over a few points. Will return.

[Aish]

I'm back, and fully prepared to make a fool of myself.
Being a good symbolism wench, I often go leagues far afield of where the poet sat.
And yet, I continue to do so.

Working off the title and imagery I can't shake the impression of warrior junkies. Your opening is grande: it "smacks" not only of Norse mythology, but also Gaulic and Meso-American history, Judaic temple sacrifice, the New Testament version of a paschal lamb, martyrs of Islam, the honor of deflowering a virgin, and of course, shooting up.

S2 is also very interesting. I love "tolled" - verbally it works on two separate levels, while anchoring in that mythic passage. The dead must pay... and so must a person in need of a fix. Your layers demand to be peeled back. Barbed flowers, indeed. I could envision maces as easily as needles with blooms of heroin flowing into a vein.
S5 is haunting. Spiritual, emotional, physical.

I'm stopping now, so as not to ramble further. As I said, just my nerdy viewpoint. Thanks for the hard chew.

[Lightbaron]

wow...ill take that very gladly aish..thank you kindly. your pretty god damned spot on my intentions. I was afraid it was a little too cryptic, but with your words I am confident in the level of revealing