Community Mausoleum

[Philatone]

The tile was slipped into the wall
by stubbled men in dusted jeans
as ties and lace entered the hall

to see the home you never saw,
but bought for space to rest in peace.
The tile was slipped into the wall,

a front door sealed off with locks
without a bell for us to ring
as ties and lace entered the hall

dressed in shades of ironed coal,
uniform as nights of sleep.
The tile was slipped into the wall,

herded back into its stall
along a row of shelved deceased
as ties and lace entered the hall,

processing from the funeral.
We lay a hand no one will meet,
the tile slipped into the wall,
our ties, our lace outside your hall.

[billy]

will leave some feedback in a while geoff, sorry for not getting to it sooner

[heslopian]

This poem reminds me of Auden's Funeral Blues. It took me a moment to notice it's a villanelle. Your narrative has a charming smoothness; I liked the somber tone and focus on small images as opposed to melodrama. Thanks for the read Philatone

[billy]

The tile was slipped into the wall
by stubbled men in dusted jeans
as ties and lace entered the hall the meter here is spot on

to see the home you never saw,
but bought for space to rest in peace.
The tile was slipped into the wall, and here

a front door sealed off with locks lacks a foot. 'a door that's sealed...might be a solution
without a bell for us to ring
as ties and lace entered the hall

dressed in shades of ironed coal, missing a foot if ironed is read as two feet, missing two feet if ironed is used as i foot. 'all' or something similar at the front may help, great image, good metaphor
uniform as nights of sleep.
The tile was slipped into the wall,

herded back into its stall
along a row of shelved deceased
as ties and lace entered the hall,

processing from the funeral.
We lay a hand no one will meet,
the tile slipped into the wall,
our ties, our lace outside your hall.
really good last verse.

great shot at the villanelle geof. while the villanelle doesn't have any set meter, (you could use any) it is best to be consistant with the meter you choose.
usually the middle lines rhyme with each other but i do realise the rhymes could be purposely left out. there a few more places where the meter needs looking at but it's only a minor thing to sort out. it feels like a working class poem, specially with the ironed coal line though coal could just be representing black and not an industry. a solid effort

thanks for the read.

[Philatone]

i'll examine the meter a bit billy, thanks for the heads up. appreciate the kind words

thank you as well, jack. much appreciated!