Slaughter:
#1
edited with thanks to aish.

all the lambs are dead
ewes bleat over torn corpses-
someone cries wolf


Quote:original

all the lambs are dead
ewes bleat over torn carcases-
someone cries wolf
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#2
I think you misspelled ' carcasses'.
I love the first and final lines. I want to love the second. Maybe torn throats instead of carcasses?
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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#3
yes i did Blush

i think you're right that carcasses isn't the best word to use. i'll do an on the fly edit.
thanks for the feedback aish Smile
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